The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

...... lunch after a period of wild manoeuvering in the Drifters and Gyros in the chase scenes (where Turbo only plays a bit part, unfortunately), and the smell of puked lunch makes even the toughest of the hombres (we're looking at you, Turbo), go green around the gills and start to.......

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

...... lunch after a period of wild manoeuvering in the Drifters and Gyros in the chase scenes (where Turbo only plays a bit part, unfortunately), and the smell of puked lunch makes even the toughest of the hombres (we're looking at you, Turbo), go green around the gills and start to.......

.... prepare for his Monster-from-the-Black-Lagoon-scenes.

 

Many female humans found Turdy strangely attractive in his Monster suit, and as they stared in thru his gills they could almost sense the possibility of there being a personality and empathy, & they felt his strange clammyness, so that they knew that they had been ....

[Captain]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

.... prepare for his Monster-from-the-Black-Lagoon-scenes.

 

Many female humans found Turdy strangely attractive in his Monster suit, and as they stared in thru his gills they could almost sense the possibility of there being a personality and empathy, & they felt his strange clammyness, so that they knew that they had been ....

..... in the presence of greatness, and the associated extreme animal magnetism, so they ....

[turboplanner]

.........went  on a rampage complaining to the studio that there should be an equal number of female monsters on the set and ..........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........went  on a rampage complaining to the studio that there should be an equal number of female monsters on the set and ..........

.... that was easily addressed, as there was a Labor Party Conference at the joint next door to the Studio, where Jacinta Allen, Penny Wong, Katy Gallagher and Kistina Keneally where all available, and the beauty was, they didn't need costumes ..... although nobody wanted to see them in their cozzies either.

 

The Studio was dumbfounded, the Director was perplexed, but Turbo knew a commercial opportunity when he saw one and he quickly identified that .....

[turboplanner]

On 18/02/2026 at 11:16 AM, Captain said:

.... that was easily addressed, as there was a Labor Party Conference at the joint next door to the Studio, where Jacinta Allen, Penny Wong, Katy Gallagher and Kistina Keneally where all available, and the beauty was, they didn't need costumes ..... although nobody wanted to see them in their cozzies either.

 

The Studio was dumbfounded, the Director was perplexed, but Turbo knew a commercial opportunity when he saw one and he quickly identified that .....

..no one would be interested in that lot. The show was canned, but that left a hole to fill. Onesie, always lurking and a dangerous character when it came to gossiping got onto a building story about the Epstein saga, today's new being Whoopie Goldberg. Onesie watched the camera panning and recognised Cappy sitting there in a white suit. The chair was covered in gold material, and Cappy looked like Royalty. Whoopie walked over to him and sat on his knee. Onesy quietly slid his phone out and started recording. Those who know Cappy know he can be corny at times  and as Whoopie slid onto he lap he said "My little Whoopie cushion". Whoopie fired up and let one go; Cappy reeled back in disbelief; the cameras, and Onesie,  had caught it. Just as Whoopie moved in for a second blast.......

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Whoopie walked over to him and sat on his knee. Onesy quietly slid his phone out and started recording. Those who know Cappy know he can be corny at times and as Whoopie slid onto he lap he said "My little Whoopie cushion". Whoopie fired up and let one go; Cappy reeled back in disbelief; the cameras, and Onesie, had caught it. Just as Whoopie moved in for a second blast.....

..... Crappy whipped out his BIC lighter, and as his thumb hit the little roller thingy at the top, Whoopie went one step further, rolled onto one cheek and ......

[turboplanner]

........with the sound of a Qantas-London takeoff..................

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........with the sound of a Qantas-London takeoff..................

.... , and it was an original 747 too, fitted with Pratt and Witney JT9D's, so the blast shredded Cappy's RMW moleskins (well known for handling the heat from blasts, and hence their use as part of Elon's astronaut uniforms to the ISS and to the Moon).

 

Whoopie was proud of herself and was confident that this blast would make a podcast highlight reel, however Cappy could not find the BIC and was about to search Whoopie's .....

[turboplanner]

.....leather jacket when he reeled back in horror, much like a CASA ramp checker after Turbo opens the throttle ..........

 

For purposes of authenticity, could Cappy confirm that the aircraft was built before S/N 00000000000046356476597, and had the cross piped that used to go from the No1 engine to No2 then through the fuselage under the Flight Attendents' jump seats to 3 and 4 and burn their 

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....leather jacket when he reeled back in horror, much like a CASA ramp checker after Turbo opens the throttle ..........

 

For purposes of authenticity, could Cappy confirm that the aircraft was built before S/N 00000000000046356476597, and had the cross piped that used to go from the No1 engine to No2 then through the fuselage under the Flight Attendents' jump seats to 3 and 4 and burn their 

.... because the noise from Turbo's PA28, with its perennial broken exhaust, sounded similar to when the Whoopster let rip, and Tubb made a comment about the need for Whoopie to lean it off a bit.

 

She (?) expressed surprise and went straight for the .....

 

 

Yes Turdy, and you are correct as usual to question that, as Cappy can confirm that the SN was 00000000000046356476596, and it was a 747SP that had also been fitted with the triple by-pass that saw Nos 2 and 3 phonetically out of sync with #1 and #4. So the sound was just 1/10 of an octave off The Brown Noise. 

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

............mixture control, missed it and grabbed him by the......................

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... mixture control, missed it and grabbed him by the ....

..... throttle lever, and when her magnificent hands started to do their work, he .....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... throttle lever, and when her magnificent hands started to do their work, he .....

.... got excited, as you often do in the run-up area, but when she reached for his ignition switches and flicked them, one after another, ... and repeatedly, he almost .....

[turboplanner]

........turned onto 17 instead of 71, and it was while he was taking a shortcut through the Cosco car park, that thought came to him that with her on board he might have exceeded MTOW but being a .......

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........turned onto 17 instead of 71, and it was while he was taking a shortcut through the Cosco car park, that thought came to him that with her on board he might have exceeded MTOW but being a .......

..... n AUF License holder, he never gave a rats (cappyref) about MTOW or W&B, and with her taking up 2 seats + the aisle, he just kept it straight a level and accepted that the ROC would be 20% of the normal, but it was ..... 

[turboplanner]

..........-5% when the day warmed up [avref theory helper]. He had to toss something off and he looked at her big...........................

[onetrack]

.....handbag, which was obviously part of the MTOW problem - so he grabbed it and threw it out the open doorway (as Turbo always flies doorless, to better enable emergency escape) - whereupon she promptly gasped in horror, then turned to Turbo, and turned into a screeching, maniacal, fist-flying, face-scratching she-devil, the likes of which, Turbo had never.............

 

Edited February 22 by onetrack

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... -5% when the day warmed up [avref theory helper]. He had to toss something off and he looked at her big ......

.....gest bits, because he still had on board the super sharp damascus steel filleting knife that bull had bought for him in Japan.

 

But he needed to move quickly, and he did not have time to toss anything off because that would not weigh enough to make a difference anyway, so he decided to dump fuel like the big boys do.

 

This would be a delicate balance between remaining fuel and the distance to the "1st bit of the runway" (an important technical term), but he was a well-trained AUF pilot who also watched all of the Blancolerio UTube vids while having breaky each day, so he was well prepared and gave a landing briefing to his passenger "Combine 3 of those seatbelts and shut TFU until we are down, stopped and alive".

 

Then he commenced the really difficult bit, which was to .......

[Captain]

47 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........-5% when the day warmed up [avref theory helper]. He had to toss something off and he looked at her big...........................

This response by our Turdbro has elicited 2 responses at exactly the same time. A new record for the NES, and a credit to Turdy, which reflects to detailed thought that he puts into each & every post, plus the vitally interesting content of his contributions.

Edited February 22 by Captain

[onetrack]

Dear NES-er's, we have developed a terrifying situation in the NES world, where it has become obvious that Cappy has been kidnapped by fake AI kidnappers, and is now living in a parallel universe,  where he runs thread continuations from a different position to the right one, this creating mayhem and monstrous confusion amongst the dedicated NES readers. We shall shortly launch the new turbo-prop Drifter to try to rescue Cappy from his predicament. Stand by...........

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Dear NES-er's, we have developed a terrifying situation in the NES world, where it has become obvious that Cappy has been kidnapped by fake AI kidnappers, and is now living in a parallel universe,  where he runs thread continuations from a different position to the right one, this creating mayhem and monstrous confusion amongst the dedicated NES readers. We shall shortly launch the new turbo-prop Drifter to try to rescue Cappy from his predicament. Stand by.......

Crappy thanks Onesie for his help and looks forward to being normal again. But surely his post should have followed the well-established NES protocols and should have been in italics, which I have done above to save his reputation.

[bull]

On 22/02/2026 at 12:43 PM, Captain said:

.....gest bits, because he still had on board the super sharp damascus steel filleting knife that bull had bought for him in Japan.

 

But he needed to move quickly, and he did not have time to toss anything off because that would not weigh enough to make a difference anyway, so he decided to dump fuel like the big boys do.

 

This would be a delicate balance between remaining fuel and the distance to the "1st bit of the runway" (an important technical term), but he was a well-trained AUF pilot who also watched all of the Blancolerio UTube vids while having breaky each day, so he was well prepared and gave a landing briefing to his passenger "Combine 3 of those seatbelts and shut TFU until we are down, stopped and alive".

 

Then he commenced the really difficult bit, which was to .......

......and at that moment the engine sputtered and died,,,oh shit thought Bull i forgot to turn off the fuel dump!!  Now the situation had turned to...........

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, bull said:

......and at that moment the engine sputtered and died,,,oh shit thought Bull i forgot to turn off the fuel dump!!  Now the situation had turned to...........

..... bull reaching for his spare 750 ml of fuel that he kept in a Wolf Blass Grey Label bottle that had been stored in the ...... 

[turboplanner]

Fuel dump housing. Bull was a lonely man, he had a conscience. He knew he had to dump fuel along the east coast and all over the Great Barrier Reef [Make the Barrier Reef Great Again (MAGBRGA ref], but that was his job.  He told himself he kept the Wolfe Blass for his sanity, but ........................