The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo in the nicest possible way, and mindful of Een's edict about calling fellow members XXXXX, respectfully reminds him that we don't refer to "black ice" these days, "it's African American ice."

Or where Crappy is at the moment, we refer to it as “glace noire”, which sounds so much nicer and unconfrontational.

Mind you, you can call someone a "deadset XXXX" in French and it sounds deadset angelic.

[turboplanner]

........girded his lions and got ready to ...........

[onetrack]

....do battle with protestors, using his girded lions. It hasn't been previously mentioned, that due to Moorabbistan being a particularly dangerous neighbourhood today, with the immigrant invasion, that Turbo keeps a pride of girded lions roaming his property, to deter the crims who want to steal his prized red Corvette.

 

And when it suits him, Turbo takes the girded lions with him in the Corvette, to ensure that even ordinary people don't touch it - let alone the crims. So it just happened, as Turbo arrived at the protest in his lion-filled Corvette, he saw an opportunity to give the lions some extra-curricular training, by releasing them onto the protesters.

 

And I can assure you, dear NES readers, when you see a girded Turbine lion in full flight, you don't want to hang around, and Turbos release of his girded lions, soon saw the whole area..........

 

Edited February 5 by onetrack

[Captain]

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

And I can assure you, dear NES readers, when you see a girded Turbine lion in full flight, you don't want to hang around, and Turbos release of his girded lions, soon saw the whole area.......

.... was sitting down in the park and having a mass latte break.

 

This, dear readers, was probably as you suspected, because Tubb's lions were not actually "girded", they were "girdled" .......... in pink tutus, and to make matters worse Tubb had also girdled his loins in a set of Warrick Capper shorts which were even a couple of sizes smaller than the Wizz used to wear, and if you looked carefully as he took his 3 minutes to get out of the 'Vette, groaning like my grandpa used to do, you could see the edge of the scar on his perineum ... see photo below.

 

But the protesters didn't really care, as after their refreshments they thanked Turbo for the lovely intermission, picked up their Palestinian and Gay Rights flags and .........

 

Tink's lions looked a bit like this, but more fierce-erer.

 

A bit like this ........ but extracting yourself from a Corvette is more revealing.

[Captain]

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

And I can assure you, dear NES readers, when you see a girded Turbine lion in full flight, you don't want to hang around

Because they will hump your leg in true Turbine fashion.

[turboplanner]

com. fashion.com is a company started by Capp and bull (in his lower case days.)

They never told anyone about it. It was on the ground floor of a two story Industrial Building.

There never seemed to be many women coming to the showroom, but outside the building there were usually two dozen Mustangs, BMWs, Benzs and Audis. The lights on the top floor were on 24 hours a day.

 

People in the game would know this as a CIA site, as innocent as it might look. It was typical of the CIA to have a printing shop below, and they would use it to produce fake passports and Formula 1 3 day passes, or they might have a  meatworks.

 

Turbine Undercover would install cameras around the area and this was so sensitive that Turbo was required to do this himself. No one ever picked him in the tradey fluro, false beard and shorts, even with the white legs. 

 

Located on the outskirts of Canberra, this location was humming ................

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbine Undercover would install cameras around the area and this was so sensitive that Turbo was required to do this himself. No one ever picked him in the tradey fluro, false beard and shorts, even with the white legs. 

 

Located on the outskirts of Canberra, this location was humming .......

..... as were Turbo's cameras in the lady's dunnies.

 

However, all video and still shots were always completely under-exposed, because the cameras had automatically set themselves based on the bright white light that was emanating from Turbo's legs.

 

There was also an issue with this CIA, which turned out to be money saving shared offices of the well-known FB meme workshops of the Cats In Aprons group & the Aussie subgroup of the Galapagos based Caffeinated Iguana Alliance.

 

Nobody noticed these groups because on the outskirts of Canberra, everyone is ......

Edited February 8 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....a little iguanaish - tongues that are not poked out are usually wagging and .........

[onetrack]

.......anyone whose skin looks a little scaly gets a recommendation to use a good masking cream, to reduce the obvious lizard-like appearance, and to avoid being suspected as a reptilian alien.

 

Of course, Canberra is full of shape-shifting reptilian aliens, with an amazing ability to crawl up anything and anyone, and none more so, than the Great......

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......anyone whose skin looks a little scaly gets a recommendation to use a good masking cream, to reduce the obvious lizard-like appearance, and to avoid being suspected as a reptilian alien.

 

Of course, Canberra is full of shape-shifting reptilian aliens, with an amazing ability to crawl up anything and anyone, and none more so, than the Great......

..... Leader of our Cuntry, who works very hard for the benefits of all Aussies, as he doubles, like Scott Morrison did, as the head of CASA and as a technical advisor to the AUF, plus the .......

 

Crappy expects to be locked up for posting the below photo of our fearless leader (and I don't mean Eeen) ....... but at least I have removed the bikini.

[Captain]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

That also looks a lot like Turbo after he was pushed into the fence at Warrnambool following being sandwiched between Johnny Stewart & Howard Revell.

[turboplanner]

.....stints he did supporting the CWA ladies at the local Shows, where he often had to "stand in" at the Boxing tent if the locals squibbed it. Turbo "volunteered" one day after lunch in the "President's Lounge"at the Grongy Show. The Cockies were all too embarrassed to step up, and Turbo,on the way to the Cat pavilion expecting to see a ribbon around Smoky's neck, was too embarrased to say no.

 

The bell rang for Round 1 and Albo started skipping around the ring. As fast as Turbo ran, he couldn't catch Albo, until CWA member Kath Woodridge tripped him up. As Albo fell to his knees, Turbo fell over him and won by a ..............

[Captain]

On 10/02/2026 at 7:46 AM, turboplanner said:

The bell rang for Round 1 and Albo started skipping around the ring. As fast as Turbo ran, he couldn't catch Albo, until CWA member Kath Woodridge tripped him up. As Albo fell to his knees, Turbo fell over him and won by a ........

...... TKO (Trip by Kath, Oh).

 

Then, ever magnanimous in victory, Turbo said "I was lucky that it was just Albo, and not Ping and the mean girls, as .....

 

 

Edited February 11 by Captain

[Captain]

21 hours ago, Captain said:

...... TKO (Trip by Kath, Oh).

Then, ever magnanimous in victory, Turbo said "I was lucky that it was just Albo, and not Ping and the mean girls, as .....

....., apart from his well-recognized pugilistic victories, behind the dunny down on the wharves, over Tom Domican and Tony Mokbel, our best mate Turbo is actually a lover not a fighter, and Penny would not have stood a chance once he turned on his turbocharged charms, and flashed his ......

[turboplanner]

.....detective badge.

He knew Penny liked to be arrested, so he just gave her a warning and she nearly scratched his eyes out, but the Ray Bans come in handy for those moments, and he was able to ......................

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....detective badge.

He knew Penny liked to be arrested, so he just gave her a warning and she nearly scratched his eyes out, but the Ray Bans come in handy for those moments, and he was able to ....

.... live another day by using what he had learnt on the couch from being a dedicated fan of both Theo Kojak and Frank Columbo.

 

(In true commercial form, he also had a job-lot of 5000 T-shirts made that said "I survived Penny Wong" on the front and "Ray-Bans save eyes from xe5b1an attacks" on the obverse).

 

Those 2 detective types established themselves deep within Turbo's persona such that his bullet head, Grik look, trench coat and forgetfulness became features of the Australian Aviation Scene, where even today every time he makes a contribution on the more serious forums (phora in Grik) inside Wreck Frying, the ......

 

What a combination

 

 

[turboplanner]

......fear that one day his exceptional skills and instincts may be called upon by CASA itself. Turbo reassures the wider population of WF that this unlikely after CASA FoI "Pinky" caught him flying the Challenger under Westgate Bridge and didn't accept his apology and explanation that it was only because he was reading the early edition of The Age which had a story about .....................

[Captain]

..... "Things to do in Melbourne that require a touch of Derring Do" and after the mentions about "Walk in the main street after 5 pm", "Visit the overloaded Machete Bins", "Hang around Carlton and film a gangland shooting" or "Have dinner with Mick Gatto by donating $20,000 to charity", he spotted an article about the Design Criteria that had been used for the construction of the Westgate Bridge.

 

Once he saw reference to the fact that "A C-130 Herc could fit easily", that steel trap, yet quirky, mind of his started firing and this made the Challenger decision seem both logical & delicious (and even tingly wingly in the nether regions), so he .....

[turboplanner]

.......did it, and who else can say that!?

There were two other guys hanging out in WF a few years ago, and they nearly pulled off a flight under the bridge in Aerochutes, but there were two chicks sunbaking on the beach below with nothing on the clock

and they didn't see the Container ship. They gave their aircraft full throttle but both got tangled up in the overhead cranes.

We never heard from them again, but ..........

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......did it, and who else can say that!?

There were two other guys hanging out in WF a few years ago, and they nearly pulled off a flight under the bridge in Aerochutes, but there were two chicks sunbaking on the beach below with nothing on the clock

and they didn't see the Container ship. They gave their aircraft full throttle but both got tangled up in the overhead cranes.

We never heard from them again, but .......

..... after some research, we now know that one of the chicks is going steady with bull, while the other still sunbathes on that beach in the razz, even through she is in her 80's.

 

As for the Aerochute pilots, one is running for an AUF Board position this year, so that should make things interesting, as a bit more Derring Do at that level in the AUF can only ..... 

[turboplanner]

.......be better than the iron curtain of silence or the teddy bears go flying stories, or even................

[Captain]

On 15/02/2026 at 2:10 AM, turboplanner said:

.......be better than the iron curtain of silence or the teddy bears go flying stories, or even................

..... and Crappy apologizes for he dear best mate again, as while our thousands of NESers will be interested to know, but as only I know from being there, Tubb is a little delirious again from the punishment that he received from the KGB in 2005, where Vladimir himself gave Tubb a flogging with a barbed wire Teddy behind the Iron Curtain, in a situation that has since been borrowed for the recent Jason Bourne doco, where Turbs is the speech coach, the stunt driver and the choreographer for the ....... 

[turboplanner]

Russian version of Jason "Bourne Nyet Loxette."

The film is set in the remote tundra not far from Alaska, where Turbo is also the body double for Jase, and has to tramp through deep snow bare-chested with a pack of hungry wolves snarling and waiting for the opportunity to kill him and eat him. Things were a little rough yesterday when in Take 17 the Wolves had stopped fighting  when Lara Smolnek's cat flashed across the "trail" which had been built over the bitumen of Sveltasky Street. Everyone fell about laughing until the cat zagged back onto the trail and there was a pile of actors, wolves, director and key grips...............

[Captain]

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Things were a little rough yesterday when in Take 17 the Wolves had stopped fighting when Lara Smolnek's cat flashed across the "trail" which had been built over the bitumen of Sveltasky Street. Everyone fell about laughing until the cat zagged back onto the trail and there was a pile of actors, wolves, director and key grips......

.... and it has been a thing of movie making tradition, and legend, that key grips and lead actresses (with the occasional lead bloke) so often lose their .....

 

Important note for concerned NESers ..... The Smolnek pussy is OK after being talked down from the highest Sequoia, and being stroked inappropriately. 

[Captain]

The Smolnek pussy is up the top there on the right.