The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......... if he came across that Ace from Bombay, it might be just enough distraction. Cappy had climbed as close to the sun as he dared, which in his  Military Thruster was 500 feet AGL, when .........

... his fingernails went blue, so it was either the extreme altitude or his nail polish must have been old stock, and his Up/Down meter thingy went ....

[turboplanner]

......... spinning around so fast that he couldn't tell whether he was going up or down. He'd been caught in one of Foxhunter's Willy Willys and it lifted him so high that he had to turn on the Oxygen. He'd nicked an oxygen bottle from the Bombay Goodness Hospital, or thought he had, but it was laughing gas, and when the Thruster extracted itself it zoomed down over central Bombay and scared the crap out of the citizens with the loud hysterical laughter, it ....................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..... spinning around so fast that he couldn't tell whether he was going up or down. He'd been caught in one of Foxhunter's Willy Willys and it lifted him so high that he had to turn on the Oxygen. He'd nicked an oxygen bottle from the Bombay Goodness Hospital, or thought he had, but it was laughing gas, and when the Thruster extracted itself it zoomed down over central Bombay and scared the crap out of the citizens with the loud hysterical laughter, it ....

.... was a frightening experience for the "Gin" peoples, (some would say "tribe", but they are more than that) who dominated Bombay culture at that time, with their early Cargo Cult practices, their worship of the multi armed Turbine deity (one of the girls at his school had accused him of being "All hands"), their red transverse spring sportscars made from papier mache and their poorly built full sized Thrusters that were actually better constructed than the original.

 

That, and more Gin than you can shake a swagger stick at, is a fatal yet fun mix that meant that .....

Edited January 25 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Cappy was doomed to the punishment of the "light" treatment of the "Gin" peoples referred to by some people as the "Gin Gin Light"

Just as Cappy got the Thruster back under control, a bright green light  flashed in his eyes. When he turned his head to avoid it, it moved to face him again and it hit his ...........

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy was doomed to the punishment of the "light" treatment of the "Gin" peoples referred to by some people as the "Gin Gin Light"

Just as Cappy got the Thruster back under control, a bright green light  flashed in his eyes. When he turned his head to avoid it, it moved to face him again and it hit his ...........

..... razor sharp consciousness that the Gin Gin Light was real (Cappy had always been told that these lights were the result of methane escaping from Rod Marsh, which he then lit as a party trick).

 

As Cappy examined the light, he realised that it was a quite good looking middle-aged aboriginal lady with the sun at her 6, shimmering through her wispy cotton dress, and carrying a glinting bottle of Tanqueray that had already been polished off via a chug-a-lug, then filled again with a chaser of Creme de Menthe.

 

As a result, the aboriginal lady was also looking a bit green, around the gills, but she bravely continued to teach the school kids and to .....

 

Edited January 26 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......teach the students how to catch dugongs and sea turtles, and train them to ....................

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......teach the students how to catch dugongs and sea turtles, and train them to ....................

..... perform in Normanton before the huge crowds at "Mud World", where the .....

Edited Monday at 09:48 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

.....mud got into everything - including Cappys Drifter. In fact, the mud was so permeating. Cappy complained that the controls of the Drifter "felt like stirring a stick in a bucket of mud".

 

When Turbo politely informed Cappy, that he really was operating the joystick with 300mm of mud on the floor, Cappy said, "But...........

[Captain]

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

When Turbo politely informed Cappy, that he really was operating the joystick with 300mm of mud on the floor, Cappy said, "But.....

..... what is that in feet, Tubb, as I have never come to grips with this confusing metric stuff. Being of the "right age", and being in Juvenile Detention on the 14th of February 1966, I have always been happier measuring length in Barleycorns or Lines, and evaluating area in Oxgangs.

 

As my best mate Turbo knows from visiting Crappy's Farm at YKKA 6 or 8 times each year, the speed limit on the expressway is 12,992,133 Barleycorns per hour, we are located 54,330,738 Barleycorns north of Moorabbin, our driveway is 283,465 Lines long, where Tubb & I shoot a heap of foxes on our 23 Oxgangs of prime rural land.

 

I also use the Firkin as my prime unit to measure volume, and that is also very popular in WA where it is often stated that there is "a furkin lot of sand".

 

This all comes back to the equally quaint fact that, even though Turdy and bull don't have any, the fuel capacity of a Drifter is exactly 38,400 apothecarial fluid Scruples, so when you refuel one you need to .....

Edited Tuesday at 07:50 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......have plenty of scruples on hand. Turbo carries jerry cans of scruples because there aren't many in NSW.

Turbo also came unstuck near The Rock one day on his Vincent. A Highway Patrol cop pulled him over, and Turbo, trying to be friendly said, "It's a Firking wet day isn't it, and the cop wrote him a ticket for obscene language, then announced that he'd been clocked at 1 million, 750 thousand Barleycorns over the speed limit.

 

Turbo had been through this before and started making carking noises. Hundreds of crows descended on the highway and Turbo, after a short time disputed the Cop's alleged speed. There was a recount and Turbo came in 1.5 million Barleycorns under the limit. "I hope yer Firkin' wheels fall orf! yelled the cop.

 

Talking about apothecarial, Turbo has been upgrading his CAD system to 3D. Going through the learning process, he was told the difference between an Inscribed polygon and a circumscribed polygon. Turbo was startled at the difference; he'd been circumscribed when he was a baby, and all his life he had suffered ongoing pains. He now realises he should have been Inscribed or ...........

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo was startled at the difference; he'd been circumscribed when he was a baby, and all his life he had suffered ongoing pains. He now realises he should have been Inscribed or ......

.... whatever is needed to make it look bigger.

 

Turbo has been full waxing for many years in the hope of achieving that result, but now realised that a comprehensive Back, Crack and Sack wax, + a quick snip to be Inscribed might do the trick, and make him look more desirable on the Turbine Media's Senior's version of Tinder, called Re-Kindle, so he ......

Edited Wednesday at 07:40 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

, not familiar in the process, booked in to Madam Tusauds' having heard how good it was years ago.

 

Turbo lost his grip after the wax, and was seen doing things, or usually not doing them that he'd never condoned in the past.

 

There were skidmarks all over the place and ...........

 

 

[Captain]

On 30/01/2026 at 1:11 PM, turboplanner said:

There were skidmarks all over the place and ......

.... 4 or 5 people near the downpipe on the shelter shed actually did a spoonful, while some others would have certainly filled a scruple measuring cup, and those people needed a cleanup with a fire hose, not just a change of under garment.

 

It is little known that after Turbs completed his driving duties across all Aussie speedway venues, including kicking Al Unser's a$s, he wanted to stay involved in the Speedway scene to continue to show his support for the sport ................... but more-so to try for an eventual AO for Services to Speedway in case he missed out on the AO for Services to the Trucking Industry.

 

So, Turbo became a mechanic specialising in Speedway bikes and that locked on throttle in the video was one of his earliest attempts to influence a race because he felt that the rider wasn't trying hard enough.

 

As Turbo has so often said in press interviews "If the throttle stays full on for longest, you simply MUST win the race".

 

It is, however, just possible that the rider (and the crowd) might have disagreed, but in true Turbine family tradition, Turbo said ".....

Edited 23 hours ago by Captain

[onetrack]

.......losers are just quitters, no-one quits in the Turbine group or in any Turbine operations! - they keep going until they win, or they're dead!"

 

Despite this morale-boosting pep-talk, Turbine always seemed to have problems getting drivers, pilots, and employees in general.

 

Being strapped into Turbine test aircraft with bolted-in-place body restraints, seemed to discourage a lot of people from taking on the Turbine test pilot positions.

 

However, Turbo was always there, beside the test pilot, with more pep talks. "You make this thing fly, or you don't come back", was one of his favourite sayings.

 

Accordingly, there were a lot of Turbine aviation designs that didn't come back. Whether this was due to............

[Captain]

56 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Accordingly, there were a lot of Turbine aviation designs that didn't come back. Whether this was due to......

.....tally to unsafe sh1tty aircraft that eventually CWT'd, with pilots & aircraft never to be seen again, or whether the TI pilots just headed straight over to the strip at Sims Metals in order to maximize their return, before buggering off to hide out in some WA sand agglomeration mining operation, nobody knew, but then .....

Edited 19 hours ago by Captain

[onetrack]

......, that's typical of pilots - they're like signwriters, you never know if they're actually going to turn up for work, or simply bugger off, and never show up again. 

 

Cappy has brought up an interesting mining reference, in which OT has a great interest - sand mining. Few people know that W.A. exports lots of sand, and OT is right up there, keeping up the sand supply to the rest of the sand-deprived and economic backwaters of the world - you know, places such as Wagga and Kapooka. 

 

Such is the amazement when the local inhabitants of these areas actually see magnificent W.A. sand (after having to look at nothing but green trees, green grass, grey rocks, glassy rivers, and other useless products) - that displays of piles of OT's sand are placed in strategic locations, so the locals can go play in the fine W.A. sand.

 

"It's just like going to the beach!" cried one of the local sand-deprived inhabitants of Kapooka (who very closely resembled Cappy), as he rolled in the sand, and threw it around.

 

It wasn't long before Turbo saw the money OT was making from sandpiles, and he started up Turbine Desert Sands, to try and get the jump on OT.

 

But Turbo's plans came unstuck when he imported cheap sand from the Sahara (a deal that apparently involved the swapping of Australian camels, an oil and gas swap, and a few new Landcruisers thrown in as a sweetener) - and the Sahara sand just blew everywhere, and got into the local inhabitants eyes, noses, ears, homes, and................

[turboplanner]

.......Turbo had to add a powdered glue to the product, which hurt the back pocket a bit. but  The TurbineSandsOfTime company raced back into the Market Share lead.

 

It started to rain......

 

Going back to Turbo's last ride........Mel McDaniel wrote a song about Turbo - "Stand On It". Turbo had superglued all the bikes on full throttle and Mel didn't mince words