The Never Ending Story

[bull]

On 04/01/2026 at 2:22 AM, turboplanner said:

............discredited the family. Sir Edmund's brother had made millions on his Tipperary Station, and returned to England. A chance liaison with a barmaid named Smythe produced a son, Rhyce Wuntrak-Smythe, who btw married a local BNS belle Ethel Cook, the daughter of you know who.

 

 It was found that the only academic schooling provided to Rhyce came from the Balham pub, and he had landed in Australia as a Jackaroo (not that Jackaroo). Here he had met up with crackers bull, and they developed the lucrative artifact business run out of the National Gallery in Melbourne.

 

Sir Edmund didn't know this until CT Archaeological Investigators reported that their ace investigator, Bill Weston Smythe VC had plugged a  fake Archaeologist in his bronze from 300 yards with his 362 hand gun, and that's when ...............

......the subsidies began! Now hands where starting to be extended out and it resembled the great hand extension day of Cape York when they................

[onetrack]

......all carried hand extensions, to ensure no-one caught any nasty bugs from possible-disease-carrying people, that they didn't know well.

 

Bull won the day however, when he produced his version of hand extensions, which extensions also had the major advantages of not leaving any fingerprints, and being able to hold larger rolls of notes, when they were being handed out.

 

It wasn't long before bull worked out the hand extensions were also good for handling smelly prawns, and this kept the prawn smell off him, and this made him even more attractive to the ladies (as if he wasn't already attractive to them - after all, he didn't get the nickname "bull", for nothing!)

 

Further to the above, bull soon found there were many others clamouring for his hand extensions, and as a result, he formed "Bulls Big Hands Inc" to start producing his invention on an industrial scale.

Very soon, as the fat profits rolled in, bull started to realise he could now afford.........

 

(and here, Dear NES readers, we have an image of bulls major invention, which has since revolutionised manual handling, in many fields of endeavour).....

 

[Captain]

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

Further to the above, bull soon found there were many others clamouring for his hand extensions, and as a result, he formed "Bulls Big Hands Inc" to start producing his invention on an industrial scale.

Very soon, as the fat profits rolled in, bull started to realise he could now afford.........

.... the luxury of actually eating the prawns that he had caught & was marketing at huge margins. 

 

But soon a section of the population from Qld said "But how can we also use our BBH's to open our pop-tops of XXXX or VB, .... with which we build our Modern Middens (MM's)?"

 

bull, ever the one to think his inventions through in advance, replied "........

[bull]

21 hours ago, Captain said:

bull, ever the one to think his inventions through in advance, replied "........

Mate,,,the prototype hand extension was originally a closed secret government program, Now Bull with his extensive extension experience was made program director and...................

[onetrack]

........Leading Hand of the secret Govt programme, not only because Bull had invented the BBH, but because he was also know for being "handy" with the girls.

 

And with his BBH's, Bull found he could reach the girls that he couldn't normally reach, so that made things even more exciting, as the girls would turn to see who had grabbed them, and all they could see was.........

[Captain]

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

........Leading Hand of the secret Govt programme, not only because Bull had invented the BBH, but because he was also know for being "handy" with the girls.

 

And with his BBH's, Bull found he could reach the girls that he couldn't normally reach, so that made things even more exciting, as the girls would turn to see who had grabbed them, and all they could see was.........

... our beloved bull, with an innocent smirk on his face.

 

It is little known that bull had been accused, during his high-school experimentation years, of being "All Hands" ...... but as he so often says "I got, and still do get, a lot of knockbacks, but the percentages of successes are still worth the effort".

 

With his BBH system, bull was able to reach out and "say a physical hello to ladies", as bull describes it, within a 10 m radius and once Elon heard of this feature, he invited bull to be a partner in his Robot Development Program (Elon renamed it the "robot development program" (rdp) in honor of bull and also dropped the caps off x and spacex too).

 

So our mate bull, thru his development of the bbh system, was at the top of the world's technical tree, with both florida and texas also renaming as a tribute to him, and don has made bull candidate #1 for the presidency of venezuela (similarly renamed), so el toro is now learning spanish and how to say "do ya?" in portugese, before he .......

Edited January 6 by Captain

[Captain]

On 06/01/2026 at 1:40 PM, Captain said:

So our mate bull, thru his development of the bbh system, was at the top of the world's technical tree, with both florida and texas also renaming as a tribute to him, and don has made bull candidate #1 for the presidency of venezuela (similarly renamed), so el toro is now learning spanish and how to say "do ya?" in portugese, before he ......

..... took on the role of being the Simon Bolivar of the 21st century.

 

"after all, both our names start with b" commented bull "and I have a great vision (a gv) where I shall re-amalgamate venezuela, colombia, panama, costa rica (where cappy will be my prefect to get his gold project up and running), ecuador, bolivia, peru and brazil (where turdy will licence the hair trim for application around the world, and he shall be my off-sider there because he looks so much like the dude that runs the show in brazil now, see photo below)."

 

Then bull/simon continued "i shall be known as el libertador (which is also a spanish bomber famous for winning WW2 [avref]).

 

After putting a deal together with javier milei, who was already a mate of bulls from the prawn trade, el libertador went ......

 

Turdy is the spit of Alexandre de Moraes, so is a lay‑down misère for the Brazil gig. In fact, I don't know which of them it is in this photo, as Turdy has a frilly poncey little collar too.

Edited Thursday at 09:30 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....bull's possible appointment in the NES Hall of Fame ceremony 2026 brings up an important point.

bull was happy to be treated as lower case in bone because it meant "fitting in" up there, whether you were in the head butting team, the arm wrestlers, or even the local walloper.

 

However when he moved to Tasmania it was clear he was now mixing with an Upper Case type of person, descended in many cases from the English Upper Case class. They didn't seem to care what you did, as long as you did it with Case.

 

Turbo has noticed the occasional Hint being Dropped by Bull that he would like to be referred to as Upper Case.

 

This in nothing unusual in the history of Australia. Cappy's ancestor captain james cook was  a lower case person. Cappy of course doesn't think we research everything he says and you'll find on page 2,325 his own launch as an Upper Case person.

 

Turbo believes it's high time, Bull, now a ship's captain like Cooky, deserves to be elevated to Upper Case on his well deserved Simon Bolivar appointment which .........

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo believes it's high time, Bull, now a ship's captain like Cooky, deserves to be elevated to Upper Case on his well deserved Simon Bolivar appointment which ......

..... needs further consideration, because both the Portuguese language on the eastern side of South America, and the Spanish language on the western side, demand lower case for any new el liberatateror (experienced & astute NESers and Lurkers will immediately recognise the essential historic reference in that name to "taters", which were 1st discovered in Brazil and which are really nice when mashed or baked).

 

So Turbo as usual, unlike Albo, has shown his excellent reading of the room, and thereby exposed the ancient juxtaposition of the Capital letter and the lower case structures of Sth American society, but in that area precedence in social structures is more often established by the capital letters and numbers associated with the AK & the 47, being what bull/Bull has always called the .......

Edited Friday at 08:00 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Persuader.

 

bull Bull had let Turbo know in a secret conversation [Turbo as CIA 3489Delta was obligated to text this thru to Langley of course], that his mate Don told him to do what he needed to do to make South America Great again (MSAGA), and if the Persuader was needed, to go right ahead. After blowing every speedboat full of cocaine out of the water on the track from Venezuela, Don was in a buoyant mood and was thinking of keeping Capitals for HIMSELF.

 

Bull quietly reminded Don ..............

 

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........Persuader.

bull Bull had let Turbo know in a secret conversation [Turbo as CIA 3489Delta was obligated to text this thru to Langley of course], that his mate Don told him to do what he needed to do to make South America Great again (MSAGA), and if the Persuader was needed, to go right ahead. After blowing every speedboat full of cocaine out of the water on the track from Venezuela, Don was in a buoyant mood and was thinking of keeping Capitals for HIMSELF.

Bull quietly reminded Don ......

.... that he, BULL, was the boss of South America (and once SA has been subdued BULL expected to take charge of the Faulklands, Drakes Passage, Antarctica and its northern island Tastarctica), because with BULL's best mates being Turdy/CIA 3489Delta, Crappy/MOSSAD Kill-Team 6 and Onesie/ .......

[Captain]

Dear NESers and our thousands of readers. Please make allowance if Turbo is not on the air so much this weekend as Turbine Corporation is presently dealing with the flak from raids on Turbine Learing Centers Minnesota Inc, and their need for more prefilled invoices and photos of miscellaneous kiddies during the learing process. Got any pics of cute little nippers? Please send to Turbo via the NES.

 

It says something about Turbo's age that his 1st reaction was to get ready for the latest Board Meeting in black-face as a Minnesota Minstrel.

 

Turbo and the rest of the Turbine Corp board about to go into session. Note that they are 60% female so that quota is met, and they are confident that no further criticism can occur.

"Nugget" Turbine is 2nd from left.

[onetrack]

.....he will make Donalds takeover of Venezuela look like a kids kindergarten party. Of course, Bulls (note the use of Capitals, now that Bull is a fully qualified Dicktater) use of his prawn trawler boat as the primary landing craft, was instrumental in all the takeover landings, as no-one expected a beat-up old prawn trawler from the Gulf, to spearhead a full-scale invasion force.

 

In fact, everywhere that Bull pulled up to a wharf with his prawn trawler, the locals fell about laughing - so that was a good enough start to make them drop their defences, and once their defences were dropped, it took little extra effort to drop their.....

[Captain]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....he will make Donalds takeover of Venezuela look like a kids kindergarten party. Of course, Bulls (note the use of Capitals, now that Bull is a fully qualified Dicktater) use of his prawn trawler boat as the primary landing craft, was instrumental in all the takeover landings, as no-one expected a beat-up old prawn trawler from the Gulf, to spearhead a full-scale invasion force.

In fact, everywhere that Bull pulled up to a wharf with his prawn trawler, the locals fell about laughing - so that was a good enough start to make them drop their defences, and once their defences were dropped, it took little extra effort to drop their.....

..... pretense of happiness, because nobody had really laughed in Venezuela since Nicky and Cilia had taken over.

 

And Bull, the people's magnificent, proud, and handsome El Toro, really cut-the-mustard with the Venezuelan chicks, and while some branded him as El Liberatateror, while others like OT used the somewhat cruel term Dicktater, the "tater" reference was clear & repetitive, but it was not like some thought, because the shape of Bull's head was like a passed the use-by date unpeeled Yukon Gold with 20 or so lenticels scarring the surface.

 

However, as Bull has demonstrated within the NES, he is a fair-minded and .....

[Captain]

17 hours ago, Captain said:

Crappy has received hundreds of requests from inquisitive NES readers to identify Turbo's friends in the above snap, which was taken by yours truly with my Box Bownie.

 

From Left to right we have Ita Buttrose, Turbo (the great man himself), a young Rose Hancock, Joe Bjelke-Petersen and Princess Di (she was with me but in retrospect I should have hit on Rose).

Edited Saturday at 07:17 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........and the long suffering Venezuelans adored his fairness.

 

Bull, ever the loyal Friend, installed Cappy as President of Columbia, the first of the South American cards he expected to fall.

 

Some now say this was a mistake, others a stroke of Genius.

President Don, who had totally shut down Venezuela's cocaine flow into the US by blowing up every boatload everywhere, everyday, was perplexed that Columbia's drug lords didn't seem to be sending anything any more.

 

President Bull charged Cappy with discovering the pipeline and shutting it down.

 

Without a smirk Cappy put on  the Jungle Greens, and started walking. From his days on the Khyber he knew it was useless sitting around ; you had to get out there and look and listen.

 

By a million to one chance after crossing the Rio Upundanidad, he heard a steady thumping sound and crept closer.

 

Some NES readers may be old enough to have been told of their grandmother shopping at the older grocery stores, where you walked up to a counter and a little man with a pencil behind his ear walked around putting groceries in an orange case. The little man would add all the prices up and with a flourish put the money and the docket in a glass jar, and jam the jar in an overhead pipeline. He'd pull a rope and there'd be a "POOF"  and the jar would shoot to the centre of the room where the owner would check everything, put a farthing's change in the glass jar and after another "POOF" the little man would put his hand up, catch the jar, give the farthing to the shopper and carry the orange case out to the boot of the car, and give the windscreen a wipe with a rag hanging out of his grey coat.

 

Cappy realised he was listening to balls of cocaine being shot by compressed air under the sea to  Hangar at Miami International Airport, where it was shipped out as Smiths Chips by 747 all over the lower 48 and .............

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy realised he was listening to balls of cocaine being shot by compressed air under the sea to  Hangar at Miami International Airport, where it was shipped out as Smiths Chips by 747 all over the lower 48 and ........

.... this presented an enforcement issue for President of Colombia (POC) Crappy, as he had already started a somewhat similar scheme of reintroducing the "Cain" back into the Coke -a-Cola worldwide and also into Pepsi and into Dr Jurd's Jungle Juice, from that pub west of Newcastle.

 

"Hey" said Cappy the POC (Crappy admits that he has also been called a POC many times in the past), who had been seduced by the highs of the drug trade, as evidenced by him saying "Coke laced chips washed down with coke laced coke makes for a pretty good business model, plus a .....

 

[turboplanner]

........hooked on clientele.

 

However Cappy, like Albo, had failed to read the room.

 

The Columbians in the streets, fed up with being trampled on and murdered by the drug lords had had a gutfull. They'd thought Donnie Trumpidad was going to save them, but they'd been landed with another would-be drug lord who was also chasing their women.

 

They labelled him Captain Cooked, held protest meetings every Sunday, and the word soon reached Don who was busy trying to colonise Russia. He was irritated .........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

They labelled him Captain Cooked, held protest meetings every Sunday, and the word soon reached Don who was busy trying to colonise Russia. He was irritated .....

... because Crappy had dyed his hair blonde, wore a cheap hat from the Launceston MACKAS (free with every large Big Mack Meal), which Cappy reckoned was specially made and claimed that it represents the Spanish abbreviation for "Make Colombia as Kosher As Sh!t" and he (Crappy) had paid a non-refundable deposit for Greenland, before he was about to invade Jamaica, Panama, Cuba and Canada just for fun.

 

As a result, Crappy has been invited to speak at the WEF straight after Don, who is now seen as Crappy's warm-up act, and he will .......

Edited Sunday at 09:16 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

.......make a startling announcement that Don will have to buy Greenland off him, not the Greenlanders, as Cappy now has the title deeds to Greenland, after quickly making the balance payment.

 

Of course, the mere mention of "Title Deeds" is enough to make any American land-grabber see red, and Don is no different. He ordered that Cappy be detained by his ICE teams (also known as American Brownshirts), as it was obvious that Cappy wasn't entitled to those title deeds, as America ALWAYS wanted to own Greenland, and Don was going to make sure of that.

 

So Cappy was then trussed up like a Christmas turkey, a gun placed at his head, and he was ordered to hand over the title deeds to the Greenland Ranch. Ray Stevens actually sang a song about this terrifying episode, and it was only due to the sudden appearance of Turbine Jones, that Cappy still .............

 

(Dear NES readers, please note how Cappy squealed like a girl when he was threatened, and those dreadlocks he's resorted to, do nothing more than make him look like a girl.....)

 

 

Edited Monday at 12:38 AM by onetrack

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, onetrack said:

(Dear NES readers, please note how Cappy squealed like a girl when he was threatened, and those dreadlocks he's resorted to, do nothing more than make him look like a girl.....)

Crappy has only one word for Onesie and that is "Don't knock if you haven't tried it" (well 7 actually) as Cappy had leant to dress like a girl while up the Khyber and the locals soon identified him as a little on the fuggly side.

 

In fact, he looks so crook that the locals used to walk straight past him and head over to the Turbine Goat Farm just down the road, where goats were just ......

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, onetrack said:

So Cappy was then trussed up like a Christmas turkey, a gun placed at his head, and he was ordered to hand over the title deeds to the Greenland Ranch. Ray Stevens actually sang a song about this terrifying episode, and it was only due to the sudden appearance of Turbine Jones, that Cappy still .....

... has all his bits, as the buzz saw and the cattle guard on the chooty certainly look like they could readily remove his ......

[turboplanner]

...........prominent assets.

Turbine Jones, grabbed him by the leg, threw him out of the train's path, and kicked the fireman in the aXXX.

The fireman responded by throwing a lump of coal at Turbine Jones, hitting him in the cods.

 

In one fluid action, Turbine Jones swung up into the guards van, kicked the air brakes on, and swung out in an arc, landing lightly on the verandah of the Lone Star Hotel.............

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...........prominent assets.

Turbine Jones, grabbed him by the leg, threw him out of the train's path, and kicked the fireman in the aXXX.

The fireman responded by throwing a lump of coal at Turbine Jones, hitting him in the cods.

 

In one fluid action, Turbine Jones swung up into the guards van, kicked the air brakes on, and swung out in an arc, landing lightly on the verandah of the Lone Star Hotel.............

My Dear NSEers and our thousands of Avid Readers (ARs). On your behalf I offer our combined thanks to Turbo for the above post, as it is extremely rare (even harder that finding a bloke who landed in France on D Day) to have a first-hand account from somebody who has performed all the procedures for stopping a 19th century Steam Train, and then landing like Nadia Comanechi on the porch of the Lone Star.

 

We are, indeed, a lucky bunch.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

In one fluid action, Turbine Jones swung up into the guard's van, kicked the air brakes on, and swung out in an arc, landing lightly on the verandah of the Lone Star Hotel ....

.... where he sauntered up to the bar, like John Wayne in chaps (arseless leather dacks, and not real blokes), and asked the barman for a light ale from the Moorabbin Boutique Brewery (they distribute internationally, like YellowTail), to which the barman replied .....

Edited 14 hours ago by Captain