The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....choo!!!!!.

bull was simply coughing but the Tasmanian newspapers had him headlined all over the State the next day, with prawn guts all over his trousers.

The newspapers thought he had vilified Ah Choo, a much loved former Premier of Tasmania.

Not many people know that approximately 72.35% of Tasmania's population are Chinese.

When bull first arrived, they were the first to greet him because...........

.... the population of Tasmania was identical, ethnically and dna-wise as those in Polynesia, which had originated in Taiwan and picked up various other features as they travelled south and "did" various other cultures on the way.

 

The big difference in Tasmania is that Turbine Whiteness Ltd had taken a franchise from Michael Jackson and all Taswegians were treated, some insensitive souls say "bleached" accordingly.

 

Even those who emigrated from Qld to Tazzy were given the treatment as Turbo had been quoted as saying in a policy statement "Surely nobody would voluntarily emigrate to Taztarctica, so if they are that bigger dill then a dose of Chlorine and a nose job won't do them any harm".

 

The other 26.65% of the population were ......

[onetrack]

......lining up to get their slanted eyes pulled into "round eye" shape. Naturally, Turbo had been quick off the mark, with Turbine Facial Plastic Surgery Inc, opening up in multiple locations faster than TKD.

 

However, there were some downsides to the plastic surgery that many Tasmanians failed to understand until after the surgery. First off, Turbo actually used real plastic in his plastic surgeries.

 

When journalists started querying this process, Turbo loftily replied, "The use of plastic in our plastic surgeries is due to our clean and green credentials. With such a huge oversupply of recyclable plastic available, that no-one knows what to do with, it simply makes good economic and environmental sense, to use some of that available plastic in our surgical procedures! Besides, it IS called "plastic surgery", isn't it? What did these people expect?"

 

However, as the rumblings, and then the loud complaints, of unhappy TFPS customers started to rapidly increase, Turbo was forced into some fast decision making. Did he continue on with the business in Tasmania - where adverse pressures against him were happening, or did he move to China, where "the sky was the limit" for client numbers. It was a no-brainer, and before long.........

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......lining up to get their slanted eyes pulled into "round eye" shape. Naturally, Turbo had been quick off the mark, with Turbine Facial Plastic Surgery Inc, opening up in multiple locations faster than TKD.

 

However, there were some downsides to the plastic surgery that many Tasmanians failed to understand until after the surgery. First off, Turbo actually used real plastic in his plastic surgeries.

 

When journalists started querying this process, Turbo loftily replied, "The use of plastic in our plastic surgeries is due to our clean and green credentials. With such a huge oversupply of recyclable plastic available, that no-one knows what to do with, it simply makes good economic and environmental sense, to use some of that available plastic in our surgical procedures! Besides, it IS called "plastic surgery", isn't it? What did these people expect?"

 

However, as the rumblings, and then the loud complaints, of unhappy TFPS customers started to rapidly increase, Turbo was forced into some fast decision making. Did he continue on with the business in Tasmania - where adverse pressures against him were happening, or did he move to China, where "the sky was the limit" for client numbers. It was a no-brainer, and before long.........

..... the wealth of the Turbine family was chasing Elon into the stratosphere (real high avref), but then a bloke from the backblocks in Tastarctica lodged a complaint with the High Court because part of the plastic in his plastic surgery said "Drink Coca Cola", ................... while his wife's said "Pepsi Max" under her left eye.

 

This brand competition led Turbo to ......

Edited December 23, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....do some below the line marketing indicating that where a logo, or advertising could be seen, the person automatically qualified for the "Turbine million dollar lottery". Turbo paid actors three times their normal fee to act as if they'd won a million dollars. The Tasmanians told each other the chance of winning the Turbine lottery were much greater, the plastic surgery multiplied and all of Australia's non recognisable actors no longer had to face those stints as a janitor..........

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... do some below the line marketing indicating that where a logo, or advertising could be seen, the person automatically qualified for the "Turbine million dollar lottery". Turbo paid actors three times their normal fee to act as if they'd won a million dollars. The Tasmanians told each other the chance of winning the Turbine lottery were much greater, the plastic surgery multiplied and all of Australia's non recognisable actors no longer had to face those stints as a janitor ....

..... and instead could all get a short-term plastic bottle-based rework every few months.

 

The most popular facial remakes were Les Patterson/Turbo (same thing), Chopper Reid, Penny Wong, The Twigster, Rose Hancock, ......

[onetrack]

.......and even Donald Trump and Putin look-alikes. This was primarily led by the huge demand and generous renumeration for body doubles, for these two leaders - although the remake did come with some risks - even when those people weren't being employed as body doubles. 

 

It wasn't a lot different to having a bullseye tattooed on your face, actually. And speaking of tattoos - of course, Turbo rapidly realised there were those clients who preferred to avoid plastic surgery, but were happy to get large numbers of tattoos - thus meaning they could blend in better with the vast majority of the 21st century, general population of Australia.

 

Accordingly, Turbo always ensured that TFPS had a subsidiary business, Turbine Terrifying Tattoos, located next door to every TFPS surgery.

One would think that having "Terrifying" in ones trading name would turn people away - but No, Turbo knew that people who wanted tattoos, would understand that the "Terrifying" part of the name would mean that they would come out of the tattoo parlour looked even more terrifying, than when they went in - which is the whole aim of tattoos, of course, as anyone in the underworld knows. 

 

It was while Tony Mokbel was getting a new tattoo in the TTT parlour, however, that the problems started. Everyone knows you don't mess with Tony, and even more so, when Tony is unhappy.

When Tony realised his new tattoo had been misspelled, things got ugly very quickly. Tony jumped out of his chair, screaming, "You.........

 

Edited December 24, 2025 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

"You calla me Tondef I killa you queek" (This accent problem is why Tony never talks when he comes out of Court).

 

The duty tattooist that morning was Cappy C Cook, a cousin of Cappy who was always dropping stories of the Captains brave deeds, pretending they were his. This is what saved him that morning, but Tony .......

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"You calla me Tondef I killa you queek" (This accent problem is why Tony never talks when he comes out of Court).

 

The duty tattooist that morning was Cappy C Cook, a cousin of Cappy who was always dropping stories of the Captains brave deeds, pretending they were his. This is what saved him that morning, but Tony .......

..... took a liking to Cappy's cousin, Cappy, and offered him a position as his personal body-double (complimentary kevlar vest included), & his .....

[turboplanner]

....... financier but warned him to be careful when dealing with ........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....... financier but warned him to be careful when dealing with ........

... the Turbine Cartels (TC-13) located in Shepp-aloa and Stanhope-aloa, or the Jalisco district in south Moorabbin.

 

Those Mextorian areas are notorious for ....... 

Edited December 25, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......bodies with eyes cut out, ears cut off and hands and feet bound, particularly in Quambatookaloa, which has become the epicentre of the production of weeties powder, and addictive substance that eventually send people blind.

 

Danez and Yacinta Allenoa had been focussed on the city, Melbornidad, and thought the Mallee was just roots and sand, but......

 

[Captain]

On 24/12/2025 at 7:04 PM, turboplanner said:

.....bodies with eyes cut out, ears cut off and hands and feet bound

Which is identical to what is the outcome of a normal Turbine Corporation Board Meeting or AGM.

 

On 24/12/2025 at 7:04 PM, turboplanner said:

Danez and Yacinta Allenoa had been focussed on the city, Melbornidad, and thought the Mallee was just roots and sand, but....

.... Jazzi was actually intending to go to Shepp for a Latte and when her entourage of 130 accidentally ended up in the Mallee she said "Erky perky, I now have sand down my undies, so are we actually in WA ..... or some godforsaken desert like joint NW of Toorak? Well, whatever, get me the F out of here and I'll do meet with Dan in the Melbournistan MASH hospital and get instructions on what tax to raise next."

 

But the entourage actually loved the Mallee and wanted to work out how Peta Credlin had done so well, and was a pretty good sort, coming from an in-bred backwater dump like this, so they ......

[turboplanner]

......50 hired Kias and headed towards Wodonga (you can't get good help these days).

Somewhere near Shepparton, Jazzi commented on the many men wearing gowns and long beards, and asked whether they were fruit pickers.

 

Advisor No 32 said "No, they're all ............

[Captain]

51 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......50 hired Kias and headed towards Wodonga (you can't get good help these days).

Somewhere near Shepparton, Jazzi commented on the many men wearing gowns and long beards, and asked whether they were fruit pickers.

 

Advisor No 32 said "No, they're all ............

...... "workers" at the Turbine Goat Farm (TGF) out in West Shepp, which is the largest in the southern hemisphere, so Tubb needs all of those rather swarthy bearded gentlemen to "look after the goats", and to ......

Edited December 27, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......but before No 32 could let go a stream of feminist insults, Jazzi, who needed them  for other political purposes, butted in with .......

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......but before No 32 could let go a stream of feminist insults, Jazzi, who needed them  for other political purposes, butted in with .......

.... "Put on these red T shirts and get ready to .....

[onetrack]

.....deny everything, and blame all the Nations problems on the Liberal Party and all their previous policies and actions".

 

But the instant they started putting on their red shirts, the bulls in the adjoining paddock sighted them, and started to charge. This led to......... 

[turboplanner]

......the famous "Bullseye" event, never seen before in Australia, and leaving its mark on thousands of ........

[Captain]

21 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......the famous "Bullseye" event, never seen before in Australia, and leaving its mark on thousands of ........

.... Labor's finest minds.

 

"Do yez know" said Jazzi "That the horn of a bull, when applied posteriorally, can leave a mark almost identical to a Three-O at close range, and the famous scar on the underside of Vicmanistan's favourite son?".

 

An article on this subject was about to be published in the very prestigious Vicmanistan Medical Journal, the "Lance It", but Turbo, ever the modest professional, declined to allow his scar to be forensically examined, and that ....

Edited December 29, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

got back to Jazzi who had been the skipping rope bully at the Kialla West state school. " Get down here immediately!" she commanded "It's either, I see it or I'm cancelling your Suburban Rail Loop, Westgate Tunnels and North East Link and you'll lose those 27 billion dollar overruns.

 

Turbo reluctantly turned the old Falcon Wagon towards Spring Street; he knew how to look down and out.

 

Her now regretted that silly argument up on the Khyber where Cappy had said, "you cook dinner or I'll shot you in the ring", and Turbo said "No" and Cappy shot him, but .............

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He now regretted that silly argument up on the Khyber where Cappy had said, "you cook dinner or I'll shot you in the ring", and Turbo said "No" and Cappy shot him, but ....

.... then Cappy's caring and sharing nature kicked in as he splashed on a litre of iodine, applied the red hot blade of his bayonet to quarterise it, followed by a pink kiddies bandaid over a folded used tissue.

 

And all of this, dear readers, occurred within 50 mm of Turbo's dangling ......

Edited December 29, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............Fob Watch in its silver case engraved with the name "Sir Simeon Pinkerton Broadacre Sunderland Eyensbury Wilson Turbine.

 

It swung as it dangled and just at that moment a shot rang  out from the Dervish side and hit him in the Fob.

Turbo reacted by shooting the Dervish through the eye. The Dervish fell off the cliff and the wind caught him and he became the Whirling Dervish, famous in all British books of war.

 

He'd been shot through the M, but the red hot bullet was too spent getting through and fell to the ground on to Cappy's .............

[Captain]

.... dinner, which hadn't been cooked by either of them, however a brave and much decorated ex Bavarian junior officer named Eines Track did the culinary work.

 

It is little known that Eines rose to prominence as an even braver soldier and inventor during WW 1 and those squiggly things on the lower sides of tanks were named after him.

 

Eines survived the war, then was given the boot by Adolph & emigrated to WA, which he actually thought was Argentina without the Portuguese lingo, and he settled in harmoniously with the ......

[turboplanner]

..........mottled crew, which was procreating where it could, which accounts for that eerie feeling you have as you walk down Murray Street in Perth and drop in for lunch at the Anaya. The waiter who greets you at the door, the person behind the till, the Chef, the waiter who comes to the table and clicks his heels, the dish washer.....all of them look the same and the constant heel clicking replaces the hawking and spitting you hear in Brisbane.

 

Eines was a bit of a genius, and as his restaurant made money, bought himself a Thruster. Always a tinker, he adapted his squiggly design to the Thruster, which allowed it to land normally and taxy in a straight line, and was soon selling kits all over the country. In the English speaking States his outlets were called "Onetrak"

 

It was all going well until a Thruster ..............................

 

[Captain]

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It was all going well until a Thruster .............

.... looked at its squiggly bits and thought that it was an Abrams, so decided to attack a Centurion during an Aussie Army exercise in the back-blocks of WA (Back-Blocks is actually a suburb of Perth because the entire joint fits into the east-coast description of "In-the-Sticks"), so the Thruster just casually wandered over from Jan-in-the-cot (Jan was a famous Perth hooker who specialised in aviation types, hence her name on the airport) and decided to come out of the sun at high speed (45 knots) to strafe the Centurian with a spud-gun and a  .....

Edited December 29, 2025 by Captain