The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......it in position.

There's always someone with a camera or a tape and ............

..... and I'm well known as an inspiration in B&S rooting circles. Why, my king-sized double swag has known some .......

[onetrack]

.........really long, hard nights, when I accidentally positioned the swag on top of a few of the biggest roots around, at the B&S Ball. It made for a very uncomfortable night, especially with several roots, all vying for attention in the swag. It was only after I got up.......................

[turboplanner]

......got the chainsaw and cut their tops off that it got a little less gnarly and .........

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......got the chainsaw and cut their tops off that it got a little less gnarly and .........

..... Turbo could sleep the sleep of the righteous on a bed of mallee roots, as he usually does (10 hrs of deep sleep, no wuckers" is the way in which he often describes it).

 

As most members of Aircraft Pilates and Wreck Flying well know from his posts in the technical Fora, Turbo is what we call in Australia "Fair Dinkum Righteous" or FDR, because, as it says in the Bible, The Koran, the Torah, and the Kharma Sutra "Ye verily, anyone who is shot in the freckle by his best mate, and survives, is both righteous and blessed" and that is why Turbo has formed the ..... 

Edited December 14, 2025 by Captain

[onetrack]

......Church of the Massive Root Disciples Filled With the Flame of Righteousness. The followers of this new and exciting religion were encouraged to seek out roots wherever they could be found, and to gather around those roots, to worship them as Gifts from God. 

Pastor Turbine adopted the classic religious clothing of long flowing purple robes, and this outfitting was enhanced by his glowing tanned complexion and carefully-coiffured, platinum-coloured hair.

 

"Hallelujah!!", cried a number of his followers, when he appeared on stage at the rented factory, temporary gathering place - which site was simply being used while a new Temple was being built.

Turbo encouraged his followers to give freely for Temple funding, because as he intoned, in his sonorous tones, "Only those who have contributed more than $1000 towards the Temple, will be given access to Heaven! Thus it is written in Antioch Chapter 23, Verse 13, of the Holy Book of the Massive Root Disciples!! Furthermore, we must be relentless in smiting our enemies, who seek to stop us from constantly looking for roots!"

 

This intonement led the assembled gathering to hurry to find their Officeworks copies of the Holy Book, which comprised no less than..............

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, onetrack said:

This intonement led the assembled gathering to hurry to find their Officeworks copies of the Holy Book, which comprised no less than.........

.... a 4 hole punch, 200 clear plastic paper holder (foolscap size because they are cheaper) & 6 reams of A5 recycled paper from India, so that the ....

[turboplanner]

........Word could be spread quickly if not with any sir of long term understanding like the Bible or Koran.'

A few people commented on the ads every few pages, such as "second hand CAT D3 grousers,$50.00 - dirt cheap for moving dirt fast. Onetrack Esperance, Phoe Esperance 1 for your .....................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........Word could be spread quickly if not with any sir of long term understanding like the Bible or Koran.'

A few people commented on the ads every few pages, such as "second hand CAT D3 grousers,$50.00 - dirt cheap for moving dirt fast. Onetrack Esperance, Phoe Esperance 1 for your .....................

..... unearthly prices on CAT & Komatsu spares. (He doesn't really have Komatsu spares, so when needed he just puts 5% black in the CAT yellow and sprays old clapped out CAT pieces as new for Komatsu gear).

 

As well as Esperance #1, OT also lists "Pearly Gates #3" for those wanting Leave Passes (The Big Fella is Pearly Gates #1 and Onesie's mate Peter has been issued with, & has signed for, PG #2.

 

On the other hand, Esperance #2 connects the caller with .....

[turboplanner]

........RootsRUs in the Mallee town of Quambatook, where there are more .........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........RootsRUs in the Mallee town of Quambatook, where there are more .........

..... hydroponic mallee root shops, all designed so that city people can sneak them home to grow them on their apartment balconies.

 

As a result of great marketing by the Quambatook Country Women's Progress Association, mallee roots became a fashion accessory.

 

This fitted in perfectly with the new tree-hugger fashion of having the outside of buildings covered with vines and flowers, except that once the mallee roots exceeded the 5 cubic metre hydroponic pot & had sucked the 100 mm dia hydroponics water/food supply pipe dry, the "Roots-de-Mallee" (as they became known in Venice, Paris & their twin city of Moorabbin) went berserk & took over the ......

 

Once the "Roots-de-Mallee" got a foothold, they were able to strangle all of the plants shown below in just one month, and take over the entire area.

Mallee Roots therefore became the Cane Toads and Rabbits of the 2025.

(Some Trendies even tried to flush the mallee roots down the dunny, like they had done when the crocs got too big, during the 1980's pet baby crocodile fad).

Edited December 15, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......tall building and in after six months it was rooted.

The root craze provided a convenient outlet for the Turbine Cat Farm. The farm scientists had succeeded in lowering the appetite of the rats to match lowering cat meat sales but the formula was a little too string so there was a surplus of cat meat. TCF began marketing this as  "Fertiliser for your roots; best roots in town." and the money poured in, albeit with some returns.

 

Then a Root Scientist came up with a method of producing renewable electricity. He explained; "You buy a packet of mallee seeds, scatter them in the back yard and withing six months they'll be rooted. Dig the roots up, boil them and the capillary action when connected to 240 volts will produce enough power to make a light bulb glow.................

[Captain]

.... and within 15 minutes of Turbo's last post, Chris Bowen was on the blower.

 

"Hey Tubb, It's Chrissy B here" he said "Will this new power source get me out of the poo with net Zero?"

 

"No Chris" replied a rather surly Turbo "But I can give you a couple of free moggies if you like, however there is no net and there is no ......

[onetrack]

........chance of your energy plans succeeding, unless you factor mallee roots into the equation. Because, you should know that Turbine Roots Inc has an option on every mallee root left lying in farmers paddocks - and when my company employees gather them all up, I'll be in possession of enough thermal energy to fill the major gaps in your dubious long-term renewables energy plan, via burning those roots in those currently-coal-fired power stations, that are a real burr under your saddle!"

 

"You see, dry seasoned mallee roots burn hot and clean, and have no nasty emissions, unlike coal. It's a win-win situation for everyone here, (especially me, muttered Turbo under his breath) - we clean up farmers paddocks, resulting in great farmer joy - we reduce emissions from coal to zero, because we no longer burn any coal - and you can keep the thermal power station supporters on board, by not dismantling those old coal-fired power stations!"

 

"That is absolutely brilliant, Turbo!" cried Chris Bowen. "I'm going to propose a new 'Alternative Energy Commissioner' position for you to slide into, so you have full reign over the energy generation systems throughout the entire Eastern States!" (he purposely omitted mentioning or including W.A. - as like many East Coast residents, he fully believes that there's nothing but wasteland to the West of the S.A. Border).

 

"That's extremely generous of you", said Turbo, "but I'm going to have to ask, what is...............

 

Edited December 16, 2025 by onetrack

[bull]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

........chance of your energy plans succeeding, unless you factor mallee roots into the equation. Because, you should know that Turbine Roots Inc has an option on every mallee root left lying in farmers paddocks - and when my company employees gather them all up, I'll be in possession of enough thermal energy to fill the major gaps in your dubious long-term renewables energy plan, via burning those roots in those currently-coal-fired power stations, that are a real burr under your saddle!"

 

"You see, dry seasoned mallee roots burn hot and clean, and have no nasty emissions, unlike coal. It's a win-win situation for everyone here, (especially me, muttered Turbo under his breath) - we clean up farmers paddocks, resulting in great farmer joy - we reduce emissions from coal to zero, because we no longer burn any coal - and you can keep the thermal power station supporters on board, by not dismantling those old coal-fired power stations!"

 

"That is absolutely brilliant, Turbo!" cried Chris Bowen. "I'm going to propose a new 'Alternative Energy Commissioner' position for you to slide into, so you have full reign over the energy generation systems throughout the entire Eastern States!" (he purposely omitted mentioning or including W.A. - as like many East Coast residents, he fully believes that there's nothing but wasteland to the West of the S.A. Border).

 

"That's extremely generous of you", said Turbo, "but I'm going to have to ask, what is...............

 

.....that all meant to mean??? Please explain said.........

[turboplanner]

..........bull who, of course, having been brought up in Bone, then going offshore to Tasmania, could not be expected to know about BNS Balls and Mallee Roots. Chrissy was preparing a press release which outline why solar "farms" couldn't cause grass fires and the latest, huge, grass fire was just a Welcome to Country gone wrong.

 

He misheard bull, thinking he'd joined One Nation and let go a sarcastic expletive at bull.

 

For readers new to the NES who may only have read the more recent measured, authorative, and informative posts of bull the prawn trawler captain, he was a vastly different piece of work if someone upset him ion bone.

 

On one occasion a Jabiru owner parked in his spot and he pulled it apart like a bon bon  .................

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Chrissy was preparing a press release which outline why solar "farms" couldn't cause grass fires and the latest, huge, grass fire was just a Welcome to Country gone wrong.

The above posting by Turbo is very prescient, as it was often said by Ernie Dingo that the big eruption of Krakatoa in 1883 started harmlessly as a Smoking Ceremony prior to the opening of the Krakatoa CWA's Annual General Meeting.

 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

On one occasion a Jabiru owner parked in his spot and he pulled it apart like a bon bon  .......

..... and after putting on the paper hat, bull rode away on the pink unicorn that fell out.

 

While bull was described as "a little on the aggressive side" in a few police reports, to be fair bull has always mentioned that the wallopers at Queens Beach were unprofessional and had never liked him.

 

However, it was also clear that "Jabiru Pulling Aparting" could not be allowed to continue, or similar civil disobedience will lead to chants like "From the Burdekin to the Sea, Bone will be Free, or Cost Even Less" that will become endemic (Bone is the hot bed of Qld's mango based political insurrection) based on the marches & protests that are increasingly taking over the Bone Town Square, and .......

Edited December 16, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......has spread to the airfield, which is said to house more Jabirus than any other airport in Australia,most of them with a liberal height of cane grass around the tyres, but the point is they are there and each one has an owner, and they vote.

 

They also argue and get the sulks, calling each other "Jab Basher", and it was into this environment that young skye bull parked her sparkling pink Jab 230 with "Mustang" signwritten on the engine cowl and .........

[Captain]

46 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

They also argue and get the sulks, calling each other "Jab Basher", and it was into this environment that young skye bull parked her sparkling pink Jab 230 with "Mustang" signwritten on the engine cowl and .......

... D-Day camouflage + those efficient Jabiru wings adjusted via angle-ginder to the shape of a Spitty.

 

skye was so proud and he .....

[turboplanner]

....r confident stride out to the Jabaspit (as bull had named it) drew the attention of a Thruster pilot down the line.

 

She confidently jumped in, tried the starter and nothing happened. The Thruster pilot grabbed his battery trolley and marched up the line, but he was only halfway there when she had the engine started and she was taxying out of the range of the Thruster pilot.

 

A few minutes later she was floating over bone looking at the countryside; the same green cane fields for hundreds of kilometres that eventually do your head in when you're driving because there's no horizon.

 

From this height she looked around for all the market gardens. bull had sent her to a Melbourne

Finishing School after an incident with one of the prawn crew, and she remembered every meal consisted of Bowen mangoes, Bowen carrots, Bowen tomatoes, Bowen lettuce, Bowen spinach, Bowen ...and so on, yet despite millions of tonnes being imported by Melbourne, she could only see a few market gardens.

 

She climbed higher and saw the Maccassan canoes parked under the mangroves unloading vegetables and B Doubles under the mangoe trees.

 

She saw the faded wooden sign, "Cook FoodChain Ltd" and the huge Samoan lady shelling out $20.00 per canoe, and realised her Melbourne friends were being stitched up.

 

She flew back to Bone, scowled at the Thruster pilot (they all looked the same and tried the same tricks) and called up Turbo in the Melbourne CIA office...........................

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

She flew back to Bone, scowled at the Thruster pilot (they all looked the same and tried the same tricks) and called up Turbo in the Melbourne CIA office..........

"Hey Tubb" she said after waiting 50 minutes for him to get off a pay-per-minute call to Thailand.

 

"Your mate at CFCL is interrupting the food chain and is pulling the chain of all Mextorians too, so I suggest that .....

[turboplanner]

.....we buy six Jabaspits and set up six Fruit Fly gates on the freight routes from Bone to Melbourne. We'll fly up the sectors and identify all the fruit trucks by the string of flies trailing behind, log them in to the gates. We'll hire CASA FoIs because they know how to handle difficult people (bull flinched because he was picked up by the Bone FoI so many times he'd had to move to Tasmania and start prawning again).

We'll turn all the Rajs in to Immigration and collect the rewards on that, hire WA B Doubles and ship the fruit to WA - they wouldn't know the difference between 8 day old Bowen fruit and a Fremantle meat pie.

 

bull had to admit...............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull had to admit........

.... that this was a pretty good plan, but ever the ideas man, bull suggested that the Covid Checkpoiints should be revived, as they are available cheap and were much more effective than the Fruit Fly (avref) security system (where everyone now just bypasses by driving around on the tracks in the bush that leave the highway 5 kms before & after each checkpoint). "your car gets dirty on the track, but you still have your mandarins & cum-quats" bull commented.

 

"we'll leave the covid signs on the checkpoints and everyone will immediately want face nappies, so we'll make a motza out of selling those, and in addition to stopping the trucks for a useless PCR check (which we will also sell, then resell/reuse 10 or so times), we can have fun shoving cheap chinese cotton wool buds 120 mm up people's snozzes, before also stopping people from heading home for Christmas to see their dying relatives. it will be great, and if anyone is silly enough, i also have access to 200 million covid jabs that australia chucked out but which i caught in my prawning nets, so there is a quid to be made, and we can also .....

Edited December 18, 2025 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........for the sake of NES continuity, Turbo has bypassed the other 394 statements which he has turned into chants which make Moses seem clipped.

 

As it happened, Turbo was doing OT a favour transporting a Cat D3 dozer blade from Wonthaggi to Geraldton on his Honda Ag bike.

 

Five km before the first fruit fly inspection point Turbo turned off onto the dirt track, but hit a patch of bulldust. Everyone knows how hard it is to balance a bike in sand but WA bulldust is worse than jelly and the 2 tonne blade started to get a wobble up, flicked Turbo off and corkscrewed down, with the fluid bulldist sending a wave across the bike and dozer blade. A cattle road train had been following 5 km behind Turbo, who was now covered in white bulldust and invisible. Raj drove straight past Turbo and ....

[bull]

On 17/12/2025 at 3:57 AM, turboplanner said:

..........bull who, of course, having been brought up in Bone, then going offshore to Tasmania, could not be expected to know about BNS Balls and Mallee Roots. Chrissy was preparing a press release which outline why solar "farms" couldn't cause grass fires and the latest, huge, grass fire was just a Welcome to Country gone wrong.

 

He misheard bull, thinking he'd joined One Nation and let go a sarcastic expletive at bull.

 

For readers new to the NES who may only have read the more recent measured, authorative, and informative posts of bull the prawn trawler captain, he was a vastly different piece of work if someone upset him ion bone.

 

On one occasion a Jabiru owner parked in his spot and he pulled it apart like a bon bon  .................

 

Well he should not have left it there ah?

 

[turboplanner]

.....choo!!!!!.

bull was simply coughing but the Tasmanian newspapers had him headlined all over the State the next day, with prawn guts all over his trousers.

The newspapers thought he had vilified Ah Choo, a much loved former Premier of Tasmania.

Not many people know that approximately 72.35% of Tasmania's population are Chinese.

When bull first arrived they were the first to greet him because...........