The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.... Classic Cats vault.

Dear NESers. The above excellent and insightful contribution by our premier NES contributor has gone thru to the keeper and deserves further comment as a tribute to our great mate (GM) Turbo.

 

The "Classic Cats Vault" is like Madame Tussaud's joint, except it is full of statues of Sam Newman, Gary Ablett and his Dad, plus 20 or 30 other top players.

 

Below is a photo of Sam's statue. Pretty lifelike eh?

 

Edited November 14 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..b................

[turboplanner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

Dear NESers. The above excellent and insightful contribution by our premier NES contributor has gone thru to the keeper and deserves further comment as a tribute to our great mate (GM) Turbo.

 

The "Classic Cats Vault" is like Madame Tussaud's joint, except it is full of statues of Sam Newman, Gary Ablett and his Dad, plus 20 or 30 other top players.

 

Below is a photo of Sam's statue. Pretty lifelike eh?

 

Sam's got an even better one now; it's AI showing him walking around Arnhem Lane like Crocodile Dundee in a pair of shots and a big knife on his hip.

[onetrack]

......utt to practice on". Abfullahi couldn't make head nor tail of this message, simply because it was AI-generated, of course - and he sent a message back to OT, saying, "What iz this smooth butt crap, Bro? Are we still on for dis W.A. initiation?"

OT assured him he was, and then mentioned, "We got Uncle Morton, Aunty Joan, Aunty Tilly, Uncle Mick, Aunty Jack, and we even got Uncle Wiremu, because he's specialised in initiations and tattoos all his life!"

 

Abfullahi was startled by this message. He messaged OT, "Tattoos, Bro?? What kind of tattoos iz in this initiation?? Dis iz da first I hear of tattoos?? I don't like dose needles!!"

 

OT messaged back, "You don't have to worry about Wiremu and his tattoos, but you gotta watch out for Aunty Jack, 'cos he'll.....................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

OT messaged back, "You don't have to worry about Wiremu and his tattoos, but you gotta watch out for Aunty Jack, 'cos he'll.....................

.... get Thin Arthur, Flange Desire & Kid Eager to do the job, and that will ....

 

Edited November 15 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......make you wish you never came to W.A." Abfullahi grimaced. "Dis sounds like a lotta BS to become an initiated West Australian? Can't I just buy the initiation? I got CASH!!"

 

At those words, OT's ears pricked up. Here was a man after his own heart, who knew how to cut a deal and still keep everyone satisfied. "I'll see what I can do", he said to Abfullahi.

 

"It will likely cost you about 5 new Landcruisers, 28 cartons of Emu Export, a box of bongs, about 15 kgs of weed, and you'd better not forget that..........

[turboplanner]

......present for Auntie Geraldine, known over here as the nutcracker.

And so, NES readers, we get a view of a typical week in the life of a West Australian.

Not something us people from the East, and of course islanders would like to contemplate.

bull went back out in the prawn trawler where he knew he could earn the price of a new Mustang+ in metallic bronze every trip, Cappy pulled out his old Quicksilver 103, hosed the chook crap off the wings and did a few laps before the Bluehead seized, and Turbo went back to do an inspection on the original cat farm, and found it in good order.

 

At their weekly meeting where they discussed their various endeavours Cappy pointed to his Quicksilver and the gaping holes in the wing and said he couldn't buy fabric anywhere.

 

Turbo suggested making it from the waste products of their various businesses, but nothing fitted.

 

Cappy remembered using tissue paper and dope on his control line planes and he'd never had a wing fail (of course they all crashed before they were a few hours old, but no one wanted to point that out.

 

So they decided to make paper, building a low concrete bath, water supply, loading it with wheat stalks and locking a cow in there to constantly trample the stalks into mulch, like the old Scottish and English Vat men used to do. The water was drained the cow shooed out and they took out the first sheet of paper to dry. It was coloured khaki, but that wasn't...........................

Edited November 15 by turboplanner

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

So they decided to make paper, building a low concrete bath, water supply, loading it with wheat stalks and locking a cow in there to constantly trample the stalks into mulch, like the old Scottish and English Vat men used to do. The water was drained the cow shooed out and they took out the first sheet of paper to dry. It was coloured khaki, but that wasn't.......

..... a barrier to the sale of khakpyrus, which then became the staple for printing Bibles, Korans, and the new Playboy mags (it is new news for the NES, but Turbine Publishing have bought the rights from Hugh & Turbs is hereafter to be known as Heff).

 

Khakpyrus also became popular for ..... 

 

(Turbo, ever astute as always, immediately bought an extra 10,000 trampling cows, which have bigger feet than normal cows, and he started a breeding program accordingly).

Edited November 15 by Captain

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... and he started a breeding program accordingly.

Crappy is sorry to advise that the breeding program has so far been unsuccessful, as none of the cows like Turbo, even after he took them out to dinner down in the back paddock.

Edited November 15 by Captain

[turboplanner]

2 minutes ago, Captain said:

The breeding program has so far been unsuccessful, as none of the cows like Turbo, even after he took them out to dinner down in the back paddock.

That all changed after he put up a screen in the paddock and ran a video showing the stages of an Abbatoir.

[Captain]

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

That all changed after he put up a screen in the paddock and ran a video showing the stages of an Abbatoir.

Which is the type of tactics that Turbo needs to use these days in the bedroom too.

[turboplanner]

.........his habit of hieroglyphing anything. He'd be riding along on his chariot and see a new pyramid, so he'd stop and hieroglyph it. If someone was herding some goats, he'd hieroglyph it. If there was an important funeral he'd hieroglyph it from two angles. Some of these hieroglyphs took a fortnight in the heat to complete. You can imagine the odours at times and the cost of sweetmeats for the crew.

 

So when Khakpyrus saw the new cow stamped papyrus, he searched Egypt until he found an old white ink mine, and with the new system was able to finish each one in a day.

 

Khakpyrus sent he new scrolls all over the world which started at Alexandria and ended at Timbuctoo where they eat their young. 

 

He got replies and sent more and soon there were Fast Camels running all over the world. They called it the *NET and it ....................................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

He got replies and sent more and soon there were Fast Camels running all over the world. They called it the *NET and it .......

..... became a bit of a movement that made regulation a necessity.

 

"We can't have kids building circuits and oiling them, Willy-Nilly (or Achmed-Nilly), then using the pyramids or the sphynx as corner markers, so we need some form of control & scrutineering" said Josephus bin Offenhauser.

 

As a result, the Confederation of Alexandrian Camel Sport (CACamS), the Alexandrian National Camel Racing Association (ANCRA), and the Alexandrian Speedway Association were formed.

 

By demand, high-speed hieroglyphs were developed to resolve dead heats.

 

Two new companies were formed in Alexandria, which at that time was the stockmarket & venture capital center of world trade (it really kicked on after the Lighthouse was commissioned), so when Kodak and Hasselblad both floated on the Alexandrian Exchange, this caused the prices of racing camels (particularly Supermodified Camels) into the ......  

Edited November 17 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......stratosphere; and a new method, "Whipped-Slaves" was adopted by some of the cheap-skates. They could run quite well, and not many people know they were the origin of the American trend of an external water bottle glued to the hand wherever they went. They carried the hieroglyphs on their backs in what they called "backpacks". The weak link in the chain were the "slave masters" who had to run carrying and cracking the whip all day.  This led to .......

Edited November 18 by turboplanner

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......stratosphere; and a new method, "Whipped-Slaves" was adopted by some of the cheap-skates. They could run quite well, and not many people know they were the origin of the American trend of an external water bottle glued to the hand wherever they went. They carried the hieroglyphs on their backs in what they called "backpacks". The weak link in the chain were the "slave masters" who had to run carrying and cracking the whip all day.  This led to .......

.... the devolution of these procedures by VicPol, CASA & Turbine Security as part of a triumvirate shared initiative to oppress the plebs, and to ......

[turboplanner]

.......gain an amazing sense of power, just through staring at someone, except the ones with machetes. They had free...................

[Captain]

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... gain an amazing sense of power, just through staring at someone, except the ones with machetes. They had free .....

..... Canjeros and a liberal quantity of Muufo making a magnificent spread on a long table, with it all washed down with camel milk and shaax soomaalia, so "Machete schmachete" they thought "Let's get into the ethnic tucker and we'll worry about the cut & chop-chop when we have to .....

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... with camel milk and shaax soomaalia ....

"Where the hell do we get camel milk and shaax soomaalia from?" they had thought, until they discovered Turbine Tribal Foods Inc, and bought in bulk.

[turboplanner]

.....report for duty on Monday morning.

Monday night's TV News had to be extended to cover "issues" within  Vicpol, CASA and Turbine Security.

There was a photo of a Vicpol officer pulling over a car then getting the driver to step out and taking off with it, leading to a police chase which lasted for .....................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....report for duty on Monday morning.

Monday night's TV News had to be extended to cover "issues" within  Vicpol, CASA and Turbine Security.

There was a photo of a Vicpol officer pulling over a car then getting the driver to step out and taking off with it, leading to a police chase which lasted for .....................

.... 10 minutes until the police car broke down or ran out of fuel, and the Premier called up and said "If that's a Somalian warlord that you are chasing, just stop, as we don't ever have any issues with that community. Instead concentrate on the subsidiary of Turbine Tribal Foods Inc, Turbine Tribal Weapons PLC, who I believe are supplying .....

[Captain]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

10 minutes until the police car broke down or ran out of fuel,

The Filth's fleet of BMWs are maintained by Turbine's Mechanics Co, which is modelled after the Jim's Mowing franchise, but without the grass.

[turboplanner]

.....little boys with machetes. That happened at the Bendigo Primary School and I just belted them with my skipping rope. Just get a skipping rope for each Constable and problem fixed, and she went back to glaring at the next person.

 

Meanwhile a CASA FOI, bored with making it hard for recreational jockeys, had ramp checked an American Airlines aircraft which was just about to take off and..............

 

Clearly our old friend Cappy has had some run ins with Vicpol's highway patrol BMWs, who hate pink Suzukis doing 235 km through the main street of Wangaratta.

 

Not many know that everyone in the Highway Patrol is a patched bikie on their days off and of course every one of them was an expert mechanic (Harleys do that to you).

 

So it was natural that when Turbo asked them how the Lanz Bulldogs were going they pleaded with him to show them how to make them go faster. Turbo taught them all how to open the pump up until the exhaust was pouring jet black smoke under acceleration, and he supplied them all with the Anti-ICC Peterbilt chips to take them up to 295 km/hr (Turbo was smart enough to to let them match the 305 of the Corvette).

 

They all made a fortune fixing Kias, mainly through conducting an official roadworthy first.

 

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Meanwhile a CASA FOI, bored with making it hard for recreational jockeys, had ramp checked an American Airlines aircraft which was just about to take off and.......

.... he found that their map for the Nursultan Nazarbayev International Airport in Kazakhstan would be 2 days out of date when they were halfway across the Pacific, abeam Tahiti's Faa'a International, on route to LAX.

 

"But geez, Boy, we are only going frarm Orrstraya to Californ-I-A and we never fly (avref) to Kazakhstan" said the AA Captain (avref & Cappyref).

 

"That matters not" replied the CASA Johnny "As you have breached rule 607.a.1,4,v.36 and I've got you by the short and curlys. When will you septics ever realize that you need to keep your ICAO GIZZ subscription up to date?"

 

The AA Skipper (Cappyref) asked his 2nd Officer to connect him to the Turbine Family Trust, trading as Turbine Aviation Law, and the CASA FOI did a spoonful, as TAL have never lost a case and they always ........

Edited November 21 by Captain

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Not many know that everyone in the Highway Patrol is a patched bikie on their days off and of course every one of them was an expert mechanic (Harleys do that to you).

Not many also know that the same thing applied back when the Eureka Stockade was underway and the Filth snuck up on the brave miners riding American horses where their shoes fell off regularly and the stirrup broke on ever 2nd ride. ("Ah, American Horses ..... turning riders into Farriers and Saddlemakers since 1749" said Sargeant Headley (Harley to his mates) Davidson, as they approached Bakery Hill and turned back to repair all the breakages).

[turboplanner]

Turbo took his friend and close workmate Nobushi to Ballarat for a conference one day. They arrived early, so Turbo took him to the memorial site of those brave miners.

Nobushi, after taking 34 photos burst into tears bowing profusely and said "Did we do this Turbo"? Such were the school lessons taught in Japanese schools about WW II. 
"NEBBER AGAIN!!!  the teacher would chant and the students would repeat it sincerely, not having the faintest clue what it meant.