The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Ooooh!!", said PA, "I must say, I do prefer a man who rips things off in a hurry, when it comes to getting access to the important parts!"

 

"Well", said Cappy, "Talking about ripping off things, did you ever.........

..... see the video of bull after he stitched extra wide industrial strength velcro to all of the conjoined surfaces of his seduction clothes, ready for a quick exit if the opportunity arose? He is still trying to get out of them, and in addition, the hook bits have almost rubbed through his .......

Edited November 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....armpits........and Turbo trembled as he remember that cold June morning when he decided to go duck shooting in his boiler suit to keep warm. As he waited in the pre-dawn, unbeknown to him, the press studs had frozen and by a million to one chance something was caught in them. Suddenly there was a whistling sound and a flight of black ducks came in hugh. As the Holland and Holland fired off the frozen studs tore off a piece of his.........................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

... armpits ... and Turbo trembled as he remembers that cold June morning when he decided to go duck shooting in his boiler suit to keep warm. As he waited in the pre-dawn, unbeknown to him, the press studs had frozen and by a million to one chance something was caught in them. Suddenly there was a whistling sound, and a flight of black ducks came in high. As the Holland and Holland fired off the frozen studs tore off a piece of his .....

..... pet rooster.

 

This 1st became known during a physical inspection in the Regimental Barracks (where they grab 'em and say "Cough") ..... and while Cappy tried not to look, he became aware of the damage, but just assumed either Turbo's Mohel had used a rusty set of clippers, or Turbo had been inducted as a First Nations Warrior and been done with a broken oyster shell.

 

Now that we know the full story, and I'm aware that PA knows too (I admit it, I told her), there is a chance that even though it is a bit of a mess down there, it appears to have a certain attraction for the ladies (& the aristocracy) so Turbo is likely to get an increased number of offers for a .......

Edited November 4 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....display of his seriously damaged and majorly distorted manhood. In fact, anytime he puts it on display, there's a collective gasp, with some viewers recoiling in horror, while others, totally fascinated, move forward for a closer inspection.

 

However, Turbo has a clearly-delineated policy during display, of "no touching, or it might go off" - which policy he learnt from his time up the Khyber, whereby the troops often discovered some ugly but fascinating explosive devices, that promptly made the older and wiser men amongst them, warn off the younger members from touching them, for fear of........

[Captain]

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....display of his seriously damaged and majorly distorted manhood. In fact, anytime he puts it on display, there's a collective gasp, with some viewers recoiling in horror, while others, totally fascinated, move forward for a closer inspection.

However, Turbo has a clearly-delineated policy during display, of "no touching, or it might go off" - which policy he learnt from his time up the Khyber, whereby the troops often discovered some ugly but fascinating explosive devices, that promptly made the older and wiser men amongst them, warn off the younger members from touching them, for fear of........

..... them getting damaged and being similarly afflicted to Turbo ..... and therefore, needing to flop it out occasionally for the rest of their lives.

 

The Troops did not fully understand, as they were all invincible young bucks who thought themselves bullet-proof, but Cappy is respected & had always interacted well with young fighting men, so when he sat the regiment down over lunch and spoke to them about the issue, he made some progress, but not enough.

It was then that he wheeled out his pièce de résistance, and trotted Turbo out onto the stage dressed only in his undies (many admired his firm muscles and great fitness up top, but that only made them suspect that there must be something terribly wrong elsewhere).

 

Many were physically ill once they saw the ooze from the three-oh wound, but before Turbo dropped his badly stained jocks (erky perky).

 

Once they were down around his ankles the outcome was horrific, the mental scarring of the troops was terrible, so thank goodness Cappy had had the foresight to arrange for 5 Chaplains to attend to handle the counselling.

 

Four Ministers and a Rabbi walked into the room and the Rabbi said "......... 

Edited November 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........."Priceless acting Turbo, you can peel the latex and ooze pouch off now."

and he turned to the room and said " If you, as soldiers ever get into a situation where the enemy has duped you and you may be mentally scarred as a result, always come to the clergy; we a trained in the psychology to get your minds straight again.

We come from a long line that used to walk with God and he smote down this person and smote down that person all dat long, so we became hardened and wise to the tricks of ............ 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..."Priceless acting Turbo, you can peel the latex and ooze pouch off now."

and he turned to the room and said " If you, as soldiers ever get into a situation where the enemy has duped you and you may be mentally scarred as a result, always come to the clergy; we a trained in the psychology to get your minds straight again.

We come from a long line that used to walk with God and he smote down this person and smote down that person all day long, so we became hardened and wise to the tricks of ...

.... the Devil (CFIavref), and look out, as when Satan gets into your life you can end up like ....

Edited November 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...that Cook character, smarmy but very prickly and prone to............ 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...that Cook character, smarmy but very prickly and prone to............ 

.... that healthy mix of Godliness and Satanic virtues, while observing Venus at will ("There it is" he would say while pointing up) and occasionally discovering a new continent or 2.

 

As a result, the Cooks, and Cappy in particular, were always in demand/great fun at Dinner Parties and could speak in a captivating and interesting way (He is in more demand on the speaking circuit than was Chopper Reid in his prime) on almost all subjects that the ....

Edited November 5 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......plebs wouldn't be interested in. Subjects such as the life cycle and mating habits of the dung beetle (i.e. - the Scarabaeinae and Aphodiinae subfamilies, for the unknowledgeable), because Cappy enjoys digging up cow pats, dissecting them, and examining them in great detail.

 

This was a childhood habit that carried over into adulthood, and now he's become a recognised expert in digging up s**t on...........

[turboplanner]

.......people like Vladimir Potus and that Andy character, the pom.

He operates in the same way as his teenage science process, sprays for a while, lifts the lid off and then stands back.

 

Not many people know why Victoria is broke. Some say it was because they employed too many consultants each earning $300 million per year, but having no idea of the subject they were advising on. Cappy was 32 of them (in his various disguises).  When  the government was trying to decide if placing their second airport in what used to be called "The Bog Swamp", Cappy showed up as "son of Bigglesworth" in a Facet Opal. Bigglesworth's adventures ingited Aircraft Pilates. Who can forget BW having nearly finished building his aircraft flying over the Australian Alps with nothing but a three dollar compass he'd bought from cheap as chips, in search of his girlfriend, missing where she was staying and landing in Tocumwal (where there is a complete RA aircraft [nameless] buried in anger). Having backtracked and found her and exchanged vows or whatever they were doing, decided to return, flying over the southern alps and missing Gippsland but neverthe less struggling around the mountains for a safe landing at home back in NSW. Or the BW statement "doesn't matter if the engine stops, I can get down anywhere!" Or when he did, his immortal comment "God made sh!t; XXXXXXX engines gave it wings." The Vic government girls in the Cabinet loved the stories, but poor old Turbo's roads were covered in potholes until ...........................

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The Vic government girls in the Cabinet loved the stories, but poor old Turbo's roads were covered in potholes until .........

.... Turbo came up with a concept developed by Turbine Coup d'états & Putschs Inc, where he planned to be the mastermind/power behind the throne, rebadge VicPol in brown shirts (but on 2nd thoughts they were already in that mindset), install Jeff Kennett again to repair the roads, recover the machetes using Melbourne Uni's (secret) Large Hydron Magnet (which circles the city and is centered in Moorabbin), and to send all of the Labor voters up to Nhill for "Mental Reprograming".

 

As part of his public statement as he took power, Turbo said "Jeff still has a few good years in him, VicPol have already taken over the Uni's LHM and machetes are being sucked in by the hundreds, as well as the machete bins and assorted other metal bits, and the 1st buses for Nhill have already left, containing the most rabid of the Labor voters ... so things are on the improve, and if you voted LNP you have nothing to fear unless you are a ......

 

Turbo heading out to the balcony to make his announcement/decree.

.

Edited November 5 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

VicPol have already taken over the Uni's LHM and machetes are being sucked in by the hundreds

VicPol wishes to apologize for all of the IUDs that are being sucked into the LHM. Please visit our offices at any time to recover lost devices ..... and see bull in the tent next door, who is offering free refitting.

Edited November 5 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........cross Miss Nigeria, who growing up, learnt to read the bones and make potions which can freeze your "intent". You might be sitting there one minute ready to disagree with her (Turbo gets a weekly briefing) and say something she doesn't like. She just goes off and comes back with a nice coffee and the next thing you are sitting there frozen, watching her explain her side of the story. She has her good side though; she learnt to fly in a Savage Cub (with the Nigerian mods that made it look so different, and it was said she could fly through the nose ring of a Hutu without making him blink at the age of five. When she came to Australia .............

[Captain]

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and it was said she could fly through the nose ring of a Hutu without making him blink at the age of five.

Which is a good trick, as the Hutu kiddies only have small nose rings when they are five.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.... cross Miss Nigeria, who growing up, learnt to read the bones and make potions which can freeze your "intent". You might be sitting there one minute ready to disagree with her (Turbo gets a weekly briefing) and say something she doesn't like. She just goes off and comes back with a nice coffee and the next thing you are sitting there frozen, watching her explain her side of the story. She has her good side though; she learnt to fly in a Savage Cub (with the Nigerian mods that made it look so different, and it was said she could fly through the nose ring of a Hutu without making him blink at the age of five. When she came to Australia ....

..... she was hired by CASA to be part of their cuntry roadshows to the plebs (kudos to OT for introducing this term to the NES) in the bush, where her special subjects were W&B for dills, Get-Home-Itis for impatient dills, nose rings of the rich & famous, Christian genocide in Nigeria, Turbine Mining & the use of child slave labour in Central Africa, and then her ever popular applause filled favourite, .....

Edited November 6 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........."Why Albo has that smirk on his face" which begins with Comrade Rudd, fresh back from Manchuria appointing a youthful  Albo to his rise where he was personally greeted by Donald himself at the USA gate where Trump had been prepped to greet him as "Mate" and then the horror of that fish and chip chick                actually staying at Don's holiday joint. Not many people know what's happened in the last few days between Don and Alby and Kev other than Don quipping "Great Men" as he boarded AF1 to go to the toilet, but Miss Nigeria knew and could bring the audience to their feet with how Albo wedged .................

[Captain]

46 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Not many people know what's happened in the last few days between Don and Alby and Kev other than Don quipping "Great Men" as he boarded AF1 to go to the toilet, but Miss Nigeria knew and could bring the audience to their feet with how Albo wedged ........

..... Kevin's undies up the ......

[turboplanner]

...........grille bars of Cadillac 1 after he left the White House late one night.

It was Don's, but the whispers trail soon fixed that, and poor old Kev was the butt of the town for days ...........................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

... grille bars of Cadillac 1 after he left the White House late one night.

It was Don's, but the whispers trail soon fixed that, and poor old Kev was the butt of the town for days ...

.... because the story reached legendary status, and every Cadillac in Washington used zip ties to add a set of undies, with skiddies, on their bonnets .... all a bit like Esso did with the tiger-tails in your tank.

 

In a press conference Kev proudly commented that this was about the pinnacle of his career and as a result, following advice from Turbine Marketing, Kev went all out for the Merch sales, and produced a set of red (and brown .... a colour now known in the rag trade as "Rudd's Crud") "Kev's Own" brand of undies and he even produced his own brand of named brown zip ties.

 

Kev's standings, and bank account, went up then went stratospheric, when the trend took off in China, where he spoke the lingo, and a billion sales meant that ..... 

Edited November 8 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........Kev was now starting to rival Elon Musk, and many  news outlets started  equating the products of both.

 

It was even rumoured in the New Jersey Herald that Don would be taking on Kev to crap on to the workers like Elon did.

 

Turbine Investments launched BITJOKS which were much the same as Bitcoins except everyone kept flicking them on out of fear of one day having to wear a used one.

 

Even ...........................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...Kev was now starting to rival Elon Musk, and many news outlets started equating the products of both.

It was even rumoured in the New Jersey Herald that Don would be taking on Kev to crap on to the workers like Elon did.

Turbine Investments launched BITJOKS which were much the same as Bitcoins except everyone kept flicking them on out of fear of one day having to wear a used one.

Even ....

.... bull, who had amassed a fortune in Bitcoin, so was comfortably well off and just bought a couple of trawlers for fun, was drawn into BITJOCK because, as he so often explains to Cappy, he loves decentralized digital currency that enables peer-to-peer transactions without the need for a central authority like a bank or government.

 

"i hate the gumment" said bull as he explained his fundamental philosophies for success in the digital space, and then he stunned Crappy by adding "..... 

Edited November 8 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".........I started a Company called BitPrawns. The problem with Bitcoins, Cappy, is that everyone sits on them and is too afraid to trade in case the value drops.  That's its weakness. If someone decides to sell out there'll be an avalanche and Bitcoin will be worthless in a few hours of trading. My prawns on the other had start to smell after a week [a day for most of us non-trawlers] and this solves the non-trading issue. In fact BitPrawns are sold faster and faster and faster ................."

[bull]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".........I started a Company called BitPrawns. The problem with Bitcoins, Cappy, is that everyone sits on them and is too afraid to trade in case the value drops.  That's its weakness. If someone decides to sell out there'll be an avalanche and Bitcoin will be worthless in a few hours of trading. My prawns on the other had start to smell after a week [a day for most of us non-trawlers] and this solves the non-trading issue. In fact BitPrawns are sold faster and faster and faster ................."

...........so much so that Bull had to outsource the smelly side to.............

[turboplanner]

OneTrackLeft on the basis that if you drive a Cat  Dozer all day, first you go deaf, then you can't see in discos because your eyes are already bouncing, then you lose your sense of smell, and finally your nuuts go square from the bouncing.

 

It was a match made in heaven because OT sold the Bitprawns to the Miners, so it didn't matter if they opted to take the product because .........