The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

3 minutes ago, Captain said:

But not the Banjo or the Uke, which were exempt as part of a group of instruments that included the Piano-Accordion, the Jew's Harp and the mouth organ.

In fact if one of the ancestors of the people from Sioux City, Iowa yelled out during one for his Branson-on-Thames shows "PLAY US SOME BLUEGRASS ON THE BANJO, SHAKER!", the Great Man would let it go on for a while, then say to the audience "He doth quote himself too oft!" and have the audience screaming for more.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

In fact if one of the ancestors of the people from Sioux City, Iowa yelled out during one for his Branson-on-Thames shows "PLAY US SOME BLUEGRASS ON THE BANJO, SHAKER!", the Great Man would let it go on for a while, then say to the audience "He doth quote himself too oft!" and have the audience screaming for more ......

.... which encouraged him to play his standard reprise of "Hubble, bubble, toil and trouble" and then the highlight of the night "It's long way to the top if you want to sing a sonnet", where he finished up smashing his lute, wearing school shorts and being pelted by lady's farthingales & breeches.

 

It is a great credit to the NES to have a subject describing the current issues of the State of Israel, concurrently while examining the musical tastes of the Shakespearian era. The NES has therefore been now elevated to academic excellence and while this is a bit intimidating for someone of Cappy's modest intellect, Turbo is thriving. 

Edited October 20 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....

עוקבים כבר כמה שנים אחר טורבין כשהוא מתמודד עם החתולים שלו, ועיבדנו את הנהלים האלה עם חמאס, אם כי הוספנו כמה מאיצים. אז צה"ל לעולם לא יאשים את טורבו בזה; הגנרל שהציע שזה כבר לא עובד בשבילנו ו...

..... he has been banished to Masada to dig up some more scrolls. It was either that or go undercover in Tehran, which was a bit of an issue for him as he has ringlets that go down to his nipples & the matchbox on his forehead has been superglued on. So Masada it was and to keep him company we sent him a .......

Edited October 20 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...................AK57 with the latest skins.

General Moshtly Dayan looked around this alien land.

He realised there was no Macca's out here, so his first priority was food.

He was lucky to have visited Turbo many years ago when Turbo was starting up his snake farm, and Turbo had strangled a Tiger snake "just in case you finish up in the Israeli desrt one day with nothing to eat."

 

He started a fire with his magnifying glass and an old Maccas wrapper, and as he was eating, his eyes fell on a glistening object. It was a shovel and tied to the handle, was a note dated 1897. It read; "Don't touch; just struck gold, going to town to buy more dates." and it was signed "Lawrence."

 

The General started to dig and there was an unmistakeable metallic "CLANG!" ..................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.He started a fire with his magnifying glass and an old Maccas wrapper, and as he was eating, his eyes fell on a glistening object. It was a shovel and tied to the handle, was a note dated 1897. It read; "Don't touch; just struck gold, going to town to buy more dates." and it was signed "Lawrence."

 

The General started to dig and there was an unmistakeable metallic "CLANG!" ..................

 

...... he had hit the Damascus to Jerusalem water supply pipe and the desert was quickly becoming flooded, eventually to fill the Dead Sea and form a resort.

 

"I'll just say nothing, they'll never know, and I'll buy up the Masada hills as my family home, my boy" he said to the young Bedouin Achmed bin Turdybine, who replied that "........

[turboplanner]

.............it would be a nice place for a cat farm and his Cats, the males all wearing Yarmulkes........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.............it would be a nice place for a cat farm and his Cats, the males all wearing Yarmulkes........

...... had trouble during training when their little hats fell off as they took their training kicks for goal.

 

Chris Scott had for months been saying that a training camp at Masada was questionable, and this was proven true, when Patrick Dangerfield fell off the Masada Fort site after handballing an IDF supplied Intercom to the Hezbollah (ex-Collingwood) trainer ........

Edited October 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......who had no teeth to catch it........

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......who had no teeth to catch it........

..... , but that didn't stop him from standing on the parapet at Masada and singing the praises of Eddie and Bucks.

 

"Geez" said BeBe "If we can get this Hezbollah trainer johnny to sew harmony between the Cats and the Magpies, we can have additional faith in getting our 2-tooth Hamas problem under control."

 

However, Chris Scott stuck his beak in and added "........... 

[onetrack]

Quote

..... , but that didn't stop him from standing on the parapet at Masada and singing the praises of Eddie and Bucks.

 

........"I guess you all know that Turbo was actually the major force behind the Captain Matchbox Whoopee Band? He not only sang the praises of Eddie and Bucks, he also sang about the fabulous Wangaratta Wahine, a lass that Captain was absolutely besotted with in 1975, and which led to Captain becoming.........

 

(and here we have Turbo doing his part in singing "Wangaratta Wahine" - see if you can pick him. Note, that's JC on the keyboard.... Oh - and Captain still hates blokes named Craig, that are 6 foot 6" ....)

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

......."I guess you all know that Turbo was actually the major force behind the Captain Matchbox Whoopee Band? He not only sang the praises of Eddie and Bucks, he also sang about the fabulous Wangaratta Wahine, a lass that Captain was absolutely besotted with in 1975, and which led to Captain becoming........

..... a citizen of Wangaratta.

 

"Yes" said Wanda the Wahine "He moved his wang to Wang, but then he tired of .......

Edited October 22 by Captain

[onetrack]

..... wanging his wang continuously over his wanton wahine Wanda, who wouldn't let him wang her - and besides, there was always the threat of a jealous Craig, who promised to drive Cappy into the ground like a tent peg, if he ever saw Cappy anywhere near his......

 

Edited October 22 by onetrack

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, onetrack said:

..... wanging his wang continuously over his wanton wahine Wanda, who wouldn't let him wang her - and besides, there was always the threat of a jealous Craig, who promised to drive Cappy into the ground like a tent peg, if he ever saw Cappy anywhere near his......

..... sister, ....... but everyone in Wang knew that they were an "item" and it was clear from that that Wangaratta had started to adopt the Daraweit Guim family relationship practices, that had made it the capital of Mextorian in.......

Edited October 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........the 1980s until the people with big noses, flappy ears and freckles all moved to Deloraine in Tasmania where they were welcome with open arms.

 

CT, as Mayor had introduced the reforms which made this possible and he was awarded a Victorian of the year medal and a Mainlander of the year gold ring by the Tasmanian Government which can never quite give up the dream of being a separate Nation like New Zealand where they also have ;;;;;;;;;;; .........................

 

[Captain]

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........the 1980s until the people with big noses, flappy ears and freckles all moved to Deloraine in Tasmania where they were welcome with open arms.

CT, as Mayor had introduced the reforms which made this possible and he was awarded a Victorian of the year medal and a Mainlander of the year gold ring by the Tasmanian Government which can never quite give up the dream of being a separate Nation like New Zealand where they also have ;;;;;;;;;;; .........................

...... a dance culture, a desire to dress in black, make little green Tiki things, have face tattoos and do Johnny Cash "Man in Black" impersonations.

 

"That's a good idea" said whoever was the Premier of Tasmania at the time (that nobody ever really knows their name) "So let's copy them".

 

But it failed as the black clothes made Tasmanians depressed, so they all needed to visit their Phsych Councilor, the Haka made them tired, plus it all felt a bit threatening and anti-Tasmanian.

 

So, the Tasmanian population went back to longing to have an AFL team of their very own, and just hanging off the bottom of OZ, like a dag on a sheep's ........

Edited October 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......ear, and we all know what that means................

 

[onetrack]

.......because Cappy's nickname at university was "Daggs". This name came about because of Cappys propensity to continuously look for sheeps dags lying around, and to utilise them for..........

[turboplanner]

.........marbles, where the Grade 1'ers didn't know the difference and when the better players like Shaun Turbine or Wun Tracey cleaned Cappy out of cats eyes, he couild switch to the dags.

 

That's not putting Cappy down. It takes extra skill to play with dags because they're lop-sided and you have to allow for that.  Shaun actually made a necklace of dags (there's always one in the family unfortunately).

 

It was during a match where Cappy with has last, deadly, Tom Bowler had hit.........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........marbles, where the Grade 1'ers didn't know the difference and when the better players like Shaun Turbine or Wun Tracey cleaned Cappy out of cats eyes, he couild switch to the dags.

That's not putting Cappy down. It takes extra skill to play with dags because they're lop-sided and you have to allow for that.  Shaun actually made a necklace of dags (there's always one in the family unfortunately).

It was during a match where Cappy with has last, deadly, Tom Bowler had hit.........

...... the roof, because all of his cats-eyes were gone, even the one that his mum had given him on her deathbed.

 

So with just one tom bowler left, he was getting ready to smell & feel/flick the dags unless he could ......

 

The cat's eye that Cappy's mum gave him.

Cappy was happy, but the Catty was a little disappointed by the gift. 

Edited October 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......hit the blood runner into the blue catseye which would move the white one against another blue catseye and crack a heavy spiral right out of the ring. He could swap that one for at least five including a couple of blood runners, and he was off again, but.........

[onetrack]

...... the other players started producing dags to play with, which ruined Cappys great run of wins. The problem was, when a dag was flicked, it spun off little chunks of sheep poo, which besides annoying the other players who were spattered with bits of sheep poo, the chunks also made the floor sticky, which coupled with the lack of hardness in the dags, led to.........

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, onetrack said:

...... the other players started producing dags to play with, which ruined Cappys great run of wins. The problem was, when a dag was flicked, it spun off little chunks of sheep poo, which besides annoying the other players who were spattered with bits of sheep poo, the chunks also made the floor slippery, which coupled with the lack of hardness in the dags, led to.........

..... Disney including a scene called "Dibbles on Ice" in the next making of Lion King 15.

 

As the other players glided around the ring with their bags full of Cappy's best dibbles, the backdrop of the scene showed ......

Edited October 23 by Captain

[onetrack]

......a montage of sheeps daggy bums, roustabouts throwing fleeces and picking off the dags, sheep manure pickers raking the dags from under the woolsheds - and all the repeating imagery accompanied by the music from.......

 

Edited October 23 by onetrack

[Captain]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

......a montage of sheeps daggy bums, roustabouts throwing fleeces and picking off the dags, sheep manure pickers raking the dags from under the woolsheds - and all the repeating imagery accompanied by the music from.......

 

..... Swan Lake, but with all the swans played by sheep ....... in tutus, and not a dag to be seen.

 

"How come the sheeparinas don't have dags?" asked Walt, while looking at their pristine bums.

 

"We cleaned them up using a new product from Onesie's Chemicals Inc" replied Walt's PA "And they offer a new de-dagging product which has revolutionized the WA grazing industry, replaces mulesing, and which combines a special + secret size fraction of WA's best sand, mixed with ........

Edited October 23 by Captain

[Captain]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

 ...... Onesie's Chemicals Inc" ........ and which combines a special + secret size fraction of WA's best sand.....

As a result of his success with OCI, Onesie is emulating Land Hancock and has pegged 90% of WA in the name of Onetrack Gold Processing (Perth Bourse ticker "OGP"), as because of the success of his sand based de-dagging product, one poxy WA Desert after another will be denuded of its sand, and as a result it is expected that 10 or 12 Lassetter's Reef type lodes will be uncovered.

"Profits from OCI should well and truly cover the cost for OGP to be mining and processing/beneficiating all of the gold projects" said the singularroot as he hyped the stock last week.

 

 

Warning- Please obtain independent legal and investment advice before purchasing.

Edited October 24 by Captain