The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......teeth.

The Matron hesitated for a while thinking he might still be "good", but her eyes hit the cigar stained moustache, the tongue permanenty hanging out one side, and started pining for bull the prawn man, Dancing all night on a prawn trawler produced big leg muscles and ........

 

NES readers should not be put off by Cappy's moaning. Don't tell anyone this but where we all learned our ABCs, he only, at the Kapooka Primary Schoolm was taught the ABs.

Edited September 17 by turboplanner

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......teeth.

The Matron hesitated for a while thinking he might still be "good", but her eyes hit the cigar stained moustache, the tongue permanenty hanging out one side, and started pining for bull the prawn man, Dancing all night on a prawn trawler produced big leg muscles and ........

 

NES readers should not be put off by Cappy's moaning. Don't tell anyone this but where we all learned our ABCs, he only, at the Kapooka Primary Schoolm was taught the ABs.

..... and an increased catch because .....

 

Cappy, having never seen a C, couldn't possibly be one, like Turbo often claims. And just because I shot him too.

[turboplanner]

......bull could run after and catch those prawns who "jumped the net" and made a run for it.

bull began to study these would-be escapees, and would measure them, check the colour level, and one night realised a prawn was trying to communicate with him. His research had already told him that all prawns originate from French Polynesia, so he tried to respond, saying "Bonjour Monsieur".

To his surprise the prawn responded with...................................

 

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

His research had already told him that all prawns originate from French Polynesia, so he tried to respond, saying "Bonjour Monsieur".

To his surprise the prawn responded with .......

..... one of the latest AI based instant translation devices using tiny wee little white prawn specific ear buds.

 

The prawn responded in the Azerbaijanian lingo, but it came through to bull as containing a mix of Tasmanian & Bone based colloquialisms.

 

"geez prawny, that is fantastic, can I license those for oz" said bull.

 

"No" responded the prawn "As I need them for use exclusively in explaining the World Prawn Council's (WPC's) policies internationally, as a result we also even translate into Dolphin as those buggers are a pain in the poo chute for us prawns. However, in the interest of frankness I need to also let you know that Turbine Technologies have taken an option if I decide to change my mind".

 

"thanks" replied bull "if you will give me a 2nd option, I will leave these holes in the net and ......

 

Below is an early but larger version of the prawn earbuds. These were designed for, and tested on, sharks.

   

Edited September 19 by Captain

[Captain]

23 hours ago, Captain said:

thanks" replied bull "if you will give me a 2nd option, I will leave these holes in the net and ......

..... which is fairly standard practice with nets.

 

"Yes" echoed Prawny "I agree with Crappy, as holes are really what nets are all about, if you ignore the ropey/stringy bits, so I call BS on your proposal bull." (Prawny was often described as overly aggressive in his negotiating style).

 

"geez, fair go prawny" responded bull, a little miffed, "i was referring to not fixing the torn section of my nets .... although i must admit to being more into dancing and having fun, rather than net mending."

 

Prawny realised his error and tried to think of a way to make it up to Bull, who is a sensitive soul and an empathetic prawn trawler skipper. "I tell you what Bull, old mate" said Prawny trying to recover his negotiating position "I'll ....... 

 

Prawny getting ready to chuck his weight around at a meeting of the WPC, but without his white ear buds.

 

Edited September 20 by Captain

[turboplanner]

but bull, reeling from Cappy's attack on his industry, which was akin to a politrician making even the slightest suggestion that the interstate transport system was blocked by all the Rajs, butted in and said ............................

[onetrack]

........a talking prawn!! I can't believe my luck!! This is my life-changing moment! I'm going to save this little fella from being eaten, run away from this rotten prawn-trawler skippering job - join a circus, dress this little fella in a suit, sit him on my knee, and let him talk and talk!!

 

I can advertise as "Come and see bull and the Talking Politician Prawn!" - as prawns are mostly full of sh**, the same as politicians - and they wear suits, too, so people will love the analogy - and being able to actually ask him questions, and get mostly BS replies (same as a politician), the crowds will love it, and I'll make a million overnight, in the easiest way possible!!

 

However, the prawn had listened to all this planning, and he had different ideas. He wasn't about to.........

[turboplanner]

........tell bull that he was Harold Holt just yet because..................

[Captain]

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........tell bull that he was Harold Holt just yet because..................

..... Prawny/Harry more than anything wanted bull to be his mate (Prawny had destroyed many other personal relationships in the past with his overly direct and pushy nature), plus he knew that bull had an over developed commercial brain and that bull's well-known avarice would kick in, potentially .....

Edited September 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....making them both beyond their dreams.

 

Not many people know that bull owns the Cayman Islands (Turbo only found out about it when he saw the new sign "cayman islands - where your dreams cost less!" at the Airport) and takes a cool 2% commission on every deposit.

 

Prawny knew this would make that look like .......................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..... Not many people know that bull owns the Cayman Islands (Turbo only found out about it when he saw the new sign "cayman islands - where your dreams cost less!" at the Airport) and takes a cool 2% commission on every deposit.

Prawny knew this would make that look like .......................

The above is of considerable interest to Crappy as he has a substantial tax problem at the moment after recently selling his half interest in the Aussie Airports Corporation and CASA (CASA shares sell on the dark web and are as scarce as bitcoin, even though CASA are often described as a two-bit operation.)

 

...... an inside job, but after entering into a JV with Cappy to reverse audit the ownership of the Islands, they found that bull's involvement was nominal only & disguised through a blind trust (named after what bull gets each Saturday night) and the Islands are actually owned by a Cayman named Barry, who often .....

 

Barry ....... this photo taken while he was sunbathing by the pool in a resort on the Islands that he owns.

Bazza (to his mates) is very snappy with the staff and a little bit up himself.

Edited September 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....could be seen asleep behind the rooms of the Resort. Turbine Security had been hired to supply security for the Resort and the advantage was that when Barry found a trespasser there was no gunshot and no body to .......

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....could be seen asleep behind the rooms of the Resort. Turbine Security had been hired to supply security for the Resort and the advantage was that when Barry found a trespasser there was no gunshot and no body to .......

.... identify.

 

This also cut down on the number of sides of beef that the Resort needed to buy to feed Bazza.

 

So a win-win, except of course for the occasional paying guest that strayed too close ..... but hey, you have to break a few eggs etc.

 

However, based on the occasional disappearing guests that the airlines identified as "a one-wayer" (the numbers of which we increasing as Barry got a taste for certain nationalities) the Cayman Islands were not only known as a tax haven, but also as a ........

Edited September 22 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......good place to disappear. Of course, many of those who disappeared, had no idea they were going to disappear, and this was a very useful feature of a trip to the Cayman Islands, especially when the the potential disappearee gleefully accepted a free trip to a glorious Western Caribbean island destination.

 

Of course, one doesn't have to visit the Cayman Islands to just disappear, as Harold Holt proved to us. Returning to the talking prawn story, we have learnt that one night, whilst boozing heavily with bull, the talking prawn let slip that he actually was Harold Holt.

 

Bull was stunned at the news. "How could this come about", he asked the prawn. "It's a long and convoluted story", the prawn sighed. "You recall how the story got around that I was picked up by a Russian submarine? The story is true - and what's more, few people know, that at that time, the Russians were way ahead of the Americans in the field of transmogrification.

 

It was all to do with their skills at spying, and being able to turn oneself into whatever shape or creature one desired to become, to trick the enemy. Unfortunately, the night I stepped into the Russian transmogrifier, some drunken fool had left the control setting on 'prawn', and of course, the rest is now history".

 

Bull was even more staggered by this news. The Russians possessed fully operational transmogrifiers, and no-one has ever found out? An idea formed in bulls mind. What if he...............

 

(and dear NES readers, we have further evidence of transmogrifiers, many thanks to Bill Watterson, and Calvin & Hobbes, below......)

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

Bull was even more staggered by this news. The Russians possessed fully operational transmogrifiers, and no-one has ever found out? An idea formed in bulls mind. What if he.........

..... went Trans himself in an undercover operation (and I'm not referring here to the nick and flick operation for bull to become a lady) and head over to Russia to do some research?

 

"Don't get caught, Bull, my new little buddy, and punted down to Ukraine to fight Zelinski the cross-dresser and his mates" said Prawny who had a somewhat sad background with hermaphroditic practices in the under-sea world, and knew what would happen to a Trans woman in a war-zone who would look absolutely stunning given Bull's Liz Taylor-like bone structure.

 

bull listened to Prawney, smiled and responded " .....

 

To Transmogrify  - Where Grifters change the sex of cats against their will and without parental consent.

Edited September 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......."Just watch this, and in a flash he was gone. Well he wasn't flashing, since he totally disappeared.

 

No one herd from him for months, but one day when Turbine Mining were sifting the sands of the Caymans for gold teeth (which they quickly melted into ingots) their sonar picked up a sound like someone whistling in lower case ..................... 

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......."Just watch this, and in a flash he was gone. Well he wasn't flashing, since he totally disappeared.

 

No one herd from him for months, but one day when Turbine Mining were sifting the sands of the Caymans for gold teeth (which they quickly melted into ingots) their sonar picked up a sound like someone whistling in lower case ......

..... and sure enough there was Harry in his wetty & goggles, with a large number of Cayman Nymphettes who had set up a subterranean cave as a breeding station and were hard at it, using a production-line format that Harry had stolen from the GMH plant at Elizabeth, and then modified to ......

[turboplanner]

........accept the beer guts of Australians like GMH had to do, without making it obvious, or putting it in their Advertising promotions.(for the car buffs in the NES, GM rejected a plan for a GMH ad which claimed that driving Falcons squeezed your balls and affected reproduction and ...............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........accept the beer guts of Australians like GMH had to do, without making it obvious, or putting it in their Advertising promotions.(for the car buffs in the NES, GM rejected a plan for a GMH ad which claimed that driving Falcons squeezed your balls and affected reproduction and .....

..... GMH claimed that the back seat was too small to follow through, even if she agreed to give you a chance.

 

This, however failed dismally, as all those that progressed through a Mini Cooper S period, and had graduated to a Falcon, knew what great things could be achieved in the back seat of a Mini, so a Falcon would be a piece of ........

Edited September 24 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........cake. They were wrong. When the early model Falcons were released you could drive along the highways and see...............

[Captain]

30 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..... cake. They were wrong. When the early model Falcons were released you could drive along the highways and see .....

.... everyone staring and saying "Gosh, that person must be doing well".

 

And there, dear readers is one of the great achievements of the Falcon, at least until the time of the XW GTHO - Phase 2, that owners were perfectly content with their Falcons, even if they just had a 3 speed column change, no AC, no bucket seats, noisy front ball joints and a valve radio ........ but nevertheless, the owners were wrapped, and they were also always ......

[turboplanner]

.......labelled (since we're in the Stationery Department) as "those rich People' because Falcons cost 284 pounds more than Holdens and they had........

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......labelled (since we're in the Stationery Department) as "those rich People' because Falcons cost 284 pounds more than Holdens and they had.....

.... a reputation for being "The Customline for the Masses", which resulted in many Falcon owners converting to Catholicism and taking their cars to church.

 

Turbo is correct in his comment included above, except that he has forgotten about the competition from Valiant, Wolseley, the P76, Lada, Rover and ......

[turboplanner]

......Austin.

Old Harry Firth-Turbine used to say he wondered why anyone would buy that old Pommy crap where the windscreen wipers fell off, the seat coverings resembled hammocks after six month and the paint faded after three weeks and the Jags sitting beside the road all over Australia because the Lucas fuel pumps only lasted six months until the Government stepped in and .........

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......Austin.

Old Harry Firth-Turbine used to say he wondered why anyone would buy that old Pommy crap where the windscreen wipers fell off, the seat coverings resembled hammocks after six month and the paint faded after three weeks and the Jags sitting beside the road all over Australia because the Lucas fuel pumps only lasted six months until the Government stepped in and .........

..... indicted Lucas Turbine for inventing those windscreen wipers that were driven by vacuum from the intake manifold and would stop working whenever the throttle was pressed.

 

At that time Lucas Turbine was sponsoring his cousin Juan Manuel Turbine in the world F1 championship and also Giacomo Turbine in the MotoGP of that time, so they needed to sell a fair bit of gear with planned obsolescence in order to make the necessary .......

 

A rare photo of Mike Turbine with his 2nd cousin Giacomo Turbine. It was Giacomo that got most of the chicks.

Edited September 25 by Captain