The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

OT at one time was a huge buyer and user of Caterpillar machines - then one day he saw the light, and the damage his machines were doing to the Climate, so he underwent a literal "Damascus Moment" as regards pollution, and joined hands with Twiggy Forrest in singing "Kumb-By-Ya", and dressing in hemp shirts and........

..... see who could pay the most for the R. M. Williams conglomerate.

OT's penchant for sub-continent labour led him to ask Albo, over their 7th glass of PIMS "Hey, Tony, given my proven skills, do you reckon that I could get Penny back over the fence?"

 

Tone thought long and hard, and replied " .....

Edited Sunday at 12:42 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

7 hours ago, Captain said:

 

Cappy is also familiar with the term Sky Pilot being a reference to the Clergy or God Botherers.

 

 

Not many people know that Cappy was frocked in 2023.

7 hours ago, Captain said:

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Not many people know that Cappy was frocked in 2023.

Then defrocked and deflowered (again) in 2024 when .....

[turboplanner]

....he strayed from the Righteous path into .................

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....he strayed from the Righteous path into .................

.... the den of iniquity that is the Blue Oyster, where, with Robin of Loxley, the TurgidPlonker, bull, the Only-ever-had-one-root, and Doubty, they all ......

[turboplanner]

.......had a mutual pact that what happens in the BOB stays in the BOB.

You would't believe that ruddy-faced blonde wheat farmers would be wearing boar's teeth necklaces and ......

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......had a mutual pact that what happens in the BOB stays in the BOB.

You would't believe that ruddy-faced blonde wheat farmers would be wearing boar's teeth necklaces and ......

.... John Deere t-shirts outside a set of RMW moleskins, with a ......

 

In the Riverina you can still see the original colours of the various clothes, whereas in WA they are all the same dirty ochre colour, and in Melbournistan the only t-shirts permitted to be worn are red with "I love Dan", "Jacinta loves Machetes" or "Jacinta is Hot" on them. 

Edited Monday at 07:50 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......belt watch in a leather pouch set to the local ABC Station time.

One night there were 38 Holden Utes lined up in the street outside the BOB and inside 72 pink faced blonde haired cockies, when in walked ............

[onetrack]

.....a group of Comancheros, kicking chairs out of their way, and with their Sgt-at-Arms snarling, "Alright, who's the bastards who took up our regular bike parking places with that Holden crap?"

 

Big, blonde, pink-faced Ted Shepherd (note the clever sheep reference), his pink face (and neck) now turning a bright red, raised himself from his chair, uncoiling his massive 2 metre frame as he did so, faced the SaA with his famous glare that made sheepdogs cringe, and said, "Well, if youse are talking to me, it was...................

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Big, blonde, pink-faced Ted Shepherd (note the clever sheep reference), his pink face (and neck) now turning a bright red, raised himself from his chair, uncoiling his massive 2 metre frame as he did so, faced the SaA with his famous glare that made sheepdogs cringe, and said, "Well, if youse are talking to me, it was.......

...... actually pink faced Charley Artificial-Insemination (another clever sheep reference) who is in your spot in his Subaru Brumby ute, so perhaps we need to go outside and check before we ......

Edited Tuesday at 03:41 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

get too carried away"  an innocent and friendly enough suggestion in a wheat town.

 

Looking at the innocent childish face, Ted decided to do the usual SaA thing and pushed Ted in the chest with the words, "Well get..." when wshtttttttt" he was flying backwards through the air at an upward trajectory.

Any cockie knows that when you're around 80 kg wheat backs the only way you'r not going to be crippled by nightfall after shifting a few thousand was to use one hand and keep them moving, and the SaA just happend to be a little weedy and 80 kg.

 

Ted went back to his beer and the SaA had flown out and was lying up on top of a caravan, pretty much the same as a wheat bag on a semi trailer.

 

You would think even a patched SaA would know that someone with biceps the sizwe of the fat lady's thighs woulkd have some bite, but no, he rushed straight back in and ............

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

You would think even a patched SaA would know that someone with biceps the sizwe of the fat lady's thighs woulkd have some bite, but no, he rushed straight back in and ........

..... there was Doubtfire, stepping forward to protect the Cockies with thighs that are the personification of fat lady's thighs, and also with biceps like fat lady's thighs (all 100% unshaven) and with her firm long black truncheon erect & at the ready.[Some NESers who have dated Doubtfire in the past have questioned her ethnicity and trans status, but we shall leave that for another post].

 

So for all NESers that like their ladies to be carrying a bit of beef and to be on the cuddly side (and I know that you are out there), I invite you to consider the SaA's predicament and ......

Edited Tuesday at 07:18 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....how he might explain it at the next meeting of his Commanchero Chapter.

By this time Ted had walked out in the street, saw a couple of Harleys too close to his ute and flicked them over his shoulder.

This......

 

Turbo notes the ever so slight misunderstanding, by Cappy and OT, of who is a cocky. This species of farmer is the wheat grower who typically carries a handful of wheat, oats' or barley in a pocket of his suit and can been seen at the pub chewing a grain of wheat (like a cockatoo) to judge this season's harvest. Often in the pubs four of five cockies will wipe the beer off the table and put their grains on it to judge the harvest. The poorest grain might represent a $2.1 million dollar harvest and the best a $3.2 million harvest.....and they keep every dollar. They used to throw full wheat bags at each other but these days they just drive big 4WD tractors, or more correctly the only thing they operate is the Microwave oven because the tractor has gunbarrel straight Autosteer etc. The autodrive headers see low areas of crop ahead and automatically lower the comb to gently cut the heads off, shake them and allow the grains to land gently into the bin, where other grain-friendly equipment gently moves them to lightly land in a B Double driving beside the truck with the driver asleep in his bunk thanks to Wireless.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo notes the ever so slight misunderstanding, by Cappy and OT, of who is a cocky. This species of farmer is the wheat grower who typically carries a handful of wheat, oats' or barley in a pocket of his suit and can been seen at the pub chewing a grain of wheat (like a cockatoo) to judge this season's harvest. Often in the pubs four of five cockies will wipe the beer off the table and put their grains on it to judge the harvest. The poorest grain might represent a $2.1 million dollar harvest and the best a $3.2 million harvest.....and they keep every dollar. They used to throw full wheat bags at each other but these days they just drive big 4WD tractors, or more correctly the only thing they operate is the Microwave oven because the tractor has gunbarrel straight Autosteer etc. The autodrive headers see low areas of crop ahead and automatically lower the comb to gently cut the heads off, shake them and allow the grains to land gently into the bin, where other grain-friendly equipment gently moves them to lightly land in a B Double driving beside the truck with the driver asleep in his bunk thanks to Wireless.

Cappy thanks his mate, Turbo, for this explanation and for straightening out his misunderstanding. Cappy apologizes for any angst that this may have caused.

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....how he might explain it at the next meeting of his Commanchero Chapter.

By this time Ted had walked out in the street, saw a couple of Harleys too close to his ute and flicked them over his shoulder.

This.....

..... ability to chuck Harleys over his shoulder came from his family's long-standing practice of flicking pigs over a height stick, then after their manhood initiation program (sometimes involving circumcision with an early model Leatherman), they flicked steers (but never heifers, as the family has respect for the females of any species).

 

Ted then strutted down the middle of Bayliss St, pulled his Leatherman from its pouch, and .....

Edited yesterday at 05:27 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

..... ability to chuck Harleys over his shoulder came from his family's long-standing practice of flicking pigs over a height stick, then after their manhood initiation program (sometimes involving circumcision with an early model Leatherman), they flicked steers (but never heifers, as the family has respect for the females of any species).

 

Ted then strutted down the middle of Bayliss St, pulled his Leatherman from its pouch, and .....

....started cutting down the trees. Cockies have a hatred of trees; "Each one in a paddock costs us eight bags of grain!" old Harold Shepherd used to say,  and Ted wasn't smart enough to realise you couldn't sow wheat in Bayliss St. A few years ago Ted bought a chainsaw from Wagga Wagga Stihl. He brought it back a couple   couple of months later and told the Service guys it wasn't cutting well. When he came back three days later the Service Manager said they hadn't found any faults, started it up and put it through a test redgum branch. "What's that noise? asked Ted.

Big as the trees were, Ted was felling them with the Leatherman, so 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Big as the trees were, Ted was felling them with the Leatherman, so ....... (Free ...'s donated by Crappy)

...... as to save wear & tear on his Gerber Multi Tool, not to mention the Dersert Storm cammo KBar strapped to his leg, and the .....

Edited 22 hours ago by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

When he came back three days later the Service Manager said they hadn't found any faults, started it up and put it through a test redgum branch. "What's that noise? asked Ted.

Most Stihl owners ask that question until they graduate up to a Husqvarna or Honda chainy or Whipper Snapper.

Edited 22 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

Now you've made Onesy cry; he's not up with us log choppers.

[turboplanner]

6 hours ago, Captain said:

...... as to save wear & tear on his Gerber Multi Tool, not to mention the Dersert Storm cammo KBar strapped to his leg, and the .....

Kukri hanging on ear ear. Mind you, it didn't pay to run unevenly or do a big jump because the kukri and ear would keep going. Turbo missed the Dersert Storm, so he nver got to see a cammo KBar, or

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Kukri hanging on ear ear. Mind you, it didn't pay to run unevenly or do a big jump because the kukri and ear would keep going. Turbo missed the Dersert Storm, so he nver got to see a cammo KBar, or

.... to earn the additional campaign ribbons that get the chicks in every Anzac Day.

 

 But a kukri on each ear can be deleterious to one's shoulders, but would surely be handy in the event that a Gurkha tries to .....

 

A brown kbar, which is what the enemy does when it is used affectively.

Edited 3 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

In Australia we call that a salad knife.