Old Koreelah

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".

Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the

feckin thing up.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her

contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.

"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

Paddy goes to the doctor with a bad back.

"How did you get it?" asks the Doctor.

"Having s*x doggy style!" says Paddy.

"Why not have s*x the normal way?" asks Doctor.

"I have" says Paddy "but the dog keeps licking my face!"

----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Paddy was driving home, p*ssed as a newt, suddenly he has to swerve to

avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.

Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.

Cop says "For feck sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.

His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.

"Here boy" he replies.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his

feet.

"What the feck you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.

"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.

"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't feckin breathe".

Sad but true there are people out there who are this dim, like the ones who are currently erecting solar buildings which face the wrong way- with solar panels installed on the shady side. and we are paying for it...

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of

the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says,

'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK

Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and

steps off.. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls

himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards

the door and falls flat on his face,

'Shoite,

Shoite !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get

to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the

door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and

takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step

out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,

hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside..

He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up

the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He

takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock

it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup

of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last

night ?'

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' XXXXed. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

An oldie but pure gold:

The European Commission has finally decided on English

as its official language, rather that German.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government

conceded that English spelling had some room for

improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan

that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with

joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".

This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have

one less letter. There will be growing publik

enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome

"ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words

like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling

kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more

komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double

letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate

speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent

"e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go

away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as

replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from

vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil

hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil

find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united

urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German

like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

:)

I too am interested in this solenoid, Slarti. Can you tell us the approximate price and if it's much heavier than the one Jabiru supply?

Lyle

Thanks you, old man emu, for your Rosetta Stone of aircraft bolt sizes. At last I can make some sense of the mess. The most valid comment is the "hole in the head" -not the bolt's head- that seems to be suffered by the powers that be; we metricated decades ago, now I have difficulty finding anything described in metric, The stuck-in-the-mud Americans are holding the world back!

I filled a common hardware shop vinyl tube with ethanol/petrol mix and left it in the weather for a few months. Slight discoloration was the only obvious result. I used standard fuel line in the end.

Very well written, Mat. You have said it all!

Thanks, Spriteah the offer to test my ASI, but it's working again. I disconnected the static line, (as suggested by Facthunter) and it worked, showing 10% over ground speed (GPS) on three triangular runs at different speeds. I had blown thru the line and although constricted, it allowed air thru. Is it supposed to allow the same airflow as the pitot line, or is some restriction normal?

Lyle

Thanks for the offer Jim. I'll give it one more try this weekend.

If no better I'll remove the gauge and send it to you. I'll need an address.

Thanks,

Lyle

Thanks for the replies, people. I suspected the instrument because of its age, but when tested with a home made manometer (I FLY EZ) and it proved accurate to within 3 knots at 100 kt. This test required a fairly hefty puff into the tube, and I have replicated that puff when in pilot's seat ready for takeoff, and the needle swings nicely. I will try itwith the remote static removed, but doubt it will make a difference.

If all else fails, where can I get it tested professionally?

Lyle

Thanks for the reply, Robinsm. The pitot and static probes still point in the correct direction, are undamaged and their tubing is unblocked. The instrument responds to puffs of air via a tube attached over the probes, but not to air movement in flight. What have I missed?

Lyle

My ASI used to work well. Now it doesn't. All the plumbing seems OK. I made a "manometer" to see if the instrument was faulty, but it worked well, with an error of less than 3%. I even tested it when sitting in the pilot's seat- a light puff into a tube connected to the pitot swings the needle nicely, then it comes to rest on 20kt. A puff into the static brings it back to zero. There is no movement in the needle when taxying or flying (except once, when for a few seconds it climbed to 40kt on take-off.)

What have I missed? Any help greatly appreciated.

Lyle

I'm in the market (medium term) for an iPhone-type device to take over from GPS, phone, ERSA... Waiting for next model iPad which may have all these features.

Lyle

Thanks for sharing the link, Jetjr. it opens the eyes to another dimension in maintenance.

Lyle

True, the extra 10kg might have been fuel for an extra hour of flight, but because human nature is to push the boundaries we need a backup plan. $6K is cheap insurance in the scheme of things. A BRS is not, however, a guaranteed saviour. The decent rate is at least 7m/second, so you hit the earth pretty hard, and need to be nose down to allow the undercart to absorb most of the impact. Plenty of styrofoam or similar under your seat is also a good idea.

Use a shipping container

I had similar hassles with our local council- they wanted $1,000 pa rates for an unserviced 7m square shed site at the local airport-from which almost everyone else has migrated!

Instead I redesigned plane, built a carrier onto which I roll plane, undo 5 bolts to separate fuselage from wing, rotate 90° to drive it home via public roads. A few year's work, but it allows me to work on the beast at home (I'm still married) and it lives in a secure shipping container, a very economical hangar.

Hello folks,

I need some advice. I have installed wing tanks with a sloping shoulder moulded into the edge that is visible from my seat. The idea was to add calibrated fuel level marks, but the vinyl ester has already gone honey-coloured and the fuel surface is not visible except at night under a bright light. After toying with several alternatives, I plan to tap into the tank a clear vinyl sight tube. To ensure the fuel level would be visible in real flight conditions, I plan to add a brightly-coloured ball to float on the fuel, inside the tube. The sight tube would be set at about 30° above horizontal when cruising. The float needs to roll downhill as the fuel level recedes- I fear that a cylindrical float would simply stick to the tube, so need a tiny ball which would float indefinitely on fuel. Any suggestions what would do the job and where you get it?

Regards,

Lyle

Good analogy, but I'd like to think that the Greens were more focussed on ensuring that future summers didn't get so hot that gathering supplies became impossible...

Thanks for the replies, people. I forgot to specify my prop, which is 60 X 42.

Regards,

Lyle

Can anyone suggest what revs a healthy Jab 2.2 will reach if tethered and ground run with throttle wide open? This might tell me if I have everything set up correctly.

Regards,

Lyle

Thanks for the prompt reply.

The purpose of the cards is, as you suggest, to assist with memorizing the checklists. Although its tempting to make my own lists, I want to stay relevant to other types, which is why I'm looking for a standard (I'm surprised I can't find checklists on the net)

If anyone is interested, I'll add what I have so far. (I've adapted a couple of gems from gliding days, mostly because they were hammered so well into my memory!) Some need work because they are not easily memorized like CHAOTIC, or TBUMFISH

PILOT

I - illness

M - medication

S - stress/pressures (get-there-itis?)

A - alcohol/drugs

F - fatigue

E - eating

AIRCRAFT

Aircraft- exterior, pitot cover, vents clear

Ballast- load distribution

Controls - full & free, 'panel rises to meet control'

Dolly- tiedowns, pennants, etc

Engine-oil, bolts tight,

Fuel- sufficient, caps, connections, taps on

drain samples, smell, swirl, contaminants

ENGINE STARTING

Brakes on, throttle, choke set

Battery on, Main switch,

Fuel on, pressure up,

Ignitions

"STARTING UP, STAND CLEAR OF THE PROP" Crank

Oil pressure

Oil pressure, temp

Ignition check- left, right, both off momentarily, Carb heat.

Brakes off, Airbrake closed

Line up runway, compass check

PRE TAKEOFF

BRS- remove safety pin

Controls

Harness

Airbrakes

Outside

Trim

Instruments - temps, oil, alt, Compass, Canopy

CLIMBOUT

Full power, 60kt

@ 300ft- fuel pump OFF

@ 1000ft leave circuit

Power, Attitude, Trim

LEVEL OFF

Attitude, Power, Trim

Radios - Correct frequencies

Navigate

ENGINE OUT AFTER TAKEOFF

Airspeed - 50kt

Best place to land -in 60° arcXXXXX

Fuel - OFF

Ignition - OFF

Airbrake

Master Switch - OFFX

Battery- isolated

ENGINE OUT DURING CRUISE

Airspeed - 50kt

Carb Heat ON

Fuel- ON (SWITCH TANKS if applicable)

Fuel Pump- ON

Ignition Switch -BOTH (crank if stopped).

PRE LANDING

Traffic checks

Brakes

Undercart

Mixture

Fuel selector & quantity checked

Instruments - ASI, temps, pressures

Switches - Lights, fuel pump on

Harness & hatches

DOWNWIND LEG

Radio call on “Turning Base”

AFTER LANDING

Fuel pump OFF

Carby heat OFF

Lights & strobes OFF

BRS safety pin installed

Can anyone supply some good, easily remembered pilot checklists (preflight, engine failure, nav, etc)

I'm making up some checklist cards and want to ensure I haven't missed anything.

Regards,

Lyle

I have a mobs of Canouba wax left over from fibreglassing jobs 30 years ago. Is there any reason I can't use it to wax the skin of my plywood and fabric plane to protect the paintwork and repel moisture? I hear that silicon-based protective layers cause problems if you need to make a repair, so is Canouba suitable?

Lyle

My records say the basic engine is 68kg.

There are VW experts around who could squeeze more than 60hp out of a 1600, but that would probably require max revs with a smaller diameter prop, or a gearbox, hence more weight.

Regards, Lyle