kgwilson

I look at the comments this way. There are positives and negatives, the glass half full or the glass half empty, doomsayers verses aviation utopia etc.

I have to admit that prior to that special meeting called by Andy, David & Co 18 months ago I was among the negatives. It seems there are still a number of these around. I have been involved with Clubs and organisations for over 40 years & spent most of my working career organising people and business retiring 10 years ago from a company a few of us had the vision and fortitude to take from revenues around 30 million to 550 million in 7 years.

For what it is worth, what I have seen evolve within RA-Aus since that special general meeting has made me one of the very enthusiastic positives for the future of this business (organisation). The talent we now have on the board and their enthusiastic desire to make Ra-Aus the premier RAO in the country in a little over 18 months is nothing short of miraculous. You have my unwavering support. My only advice is keep your eye on the ball always & stay ahead of the game.

The big roadblock or the way around has the same name. IF and it is a big IF the 37 recommendations from the Aviation Safety Regulation Review (Forsyth Report) are implemented and the regulator, on the basis of this, changes its approach from adversarial to collaborative to bring it in to line with other major western aviation authorities, recreational aviation will not only prosper but our safety record and public perception is also likely to improve.

Whatever we all think is purely conjecture based on nothing more than what we have read in the media and the transponder data provided by Cameron. The coroner should determine whether it was medical & ATSB whether it was mechanical. It does seem certain that it was an uncontrolled descent, otherwise a landing on the beach would have been the probable outcome.

I have a Motobatt MBTX20OU AGM battery which is has a 21Ah capacity & 310 CCA. Plenty of grunt to start a Jab 3.3 but does weigh 6.5 kgs. Good battery though & currently on sale from batteries direct for $132.00. The model down MBTX16U still has 19Ah & 250 CCA, weighs 5.6 kgs & is $10.00 cheaper. Maybe the MBTX12U would suit as it still is rated at 14Ah & 200 CCA & is only $99.00 & 4.4 kgs.

A Winjeel Warbird will be at the Muster both days so anyone wanting a ride in one is in luck, aeros as well if you want.

Crikey, if the plane had hit the glider a couple of metres further forward I would not have wanted to be the glider pilot. Both blades of the prop got chopped off fairly even so if he hadn't got stuck he may have been able to manouevre with a bit of power to set up a landing.

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.

Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced

airline going today without filing a flight plan?'

-----------------------

ATC: "Al Italia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway."

Al Italia 345: "Roger, Taxi 26 Left via Tango. Workers checked - all are working"

-----------------------

Nova 851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."

Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot

what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06."

-----------------------

Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, please identify yourself."

-----------------------

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?

Pilot: Yes.

Tower: Yes what?

Pilot: Yes, SIR!

---------------------------

Frankfurt Control: 'AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You

have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.'

Pilot: 'Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to 130 fer ya.'

Control: (a few moments later): 'AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 11/2miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.'

Pilot: 'AF 33 reining this here bird back further to 110 knots.'

Control: 'AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now

one mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'

Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here

C-130 is?'

Control: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.'

--------------------------

ATC: 'Cessna 123, what are your intentions?

Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilot's License and Instrument Rating.'

ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes, not years.'

--------------------------

Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.

Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.

Controller: Oh, Oh, Sh1t! You have traffic!

---------------------

O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach,

maintain 250 knots.

USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain

that speed?

O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.

USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.

----------------------

ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH, altimeter 1019.

Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?

ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH, altimeter 1019

------------------------

Cessna 152: 'Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred'

Controller: 'Roger, contact Houston Space Center.'

--------------------------

Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.

ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.

-------------------------

Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big "E".

Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar.' (short pause)...

Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to the big "W" immediately...'

--------------------

Pilot: 'Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME.'

Approach: 'Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'.'

Pilot: 'Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.'

Approach: 'What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?'

Pilot: 'Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.'

-----------------------------

Tower: 'American...and for your information, you were slightly to the

left of the centerline on that approach.'

American: 'That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right'

-----------------------

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)

Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'

Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name

you'd get a better response!'

-----------------------

BB: 'Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet.'

Bay Approach: 'Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude.'

BB: 'Because the last two times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been

run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!'

Bay Approach: 'That's a good reason. 8300 approved.'

------------------------------------

Controller: 'FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus

330 or 340?'

Pilot: 'A340 of course!'

Controller: 'Then would you mind switching on the two other engines

and give me 1000 feet per minute, please?'

---------------------------

Tower: 'Cessna 123, turn right now and report your heading.'

Pilot: 'Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...'

---------------------------------

Foreign Pilot Trainee: 'Tower, please speak slowly, I am a baby in

English and lonely in the cockpit.'

-----------------------

Controller: 'CRX600, are you on course to SUL?'

Pilot: 'More or less.'

Controller: 'So proceed a little bit more to SUL.'

----------------------------

Pilot: 'Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up

and push back, please.'

Tower: 'KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.'

Pilot: 'Please confirm: two hours delay?'

Tower: 'Affirmative.'

Pilot: 'In that case, cancel the good morning!'

I haven't read the regs but NZ works in a similar way to the US. There are victor lanes around all the major airports & you can get clearance over the top by just asking. I did that when the Americas Cup was on in Auckland & there were over 50 helicopters tearing around the harbour & in the victor lanes in addition to the normally busy VFR traffic on both east and west lanes. I just called up ATC & said I didn't want to mix it with all the blowflies down low & there was no problem. We were cleared to 9,500 feet & it was great watching 747s & other heavy transport landing & taking off way below. It was GA of course & transponder mandatory.

A friend is restoring a 1955 Auster J5G with a Blackburn Cirrus Major engine and the LAME is looking for a manual for the engine. Internet search has revealed nothing other than historical information. Does anyone have one of these manuals, know where to get one or an electronic copy or whatever?

Kevin

The Jacaranda Muster is an informal fly-in held each year in conjunction with the world renowned Jacaranda Festival held annually. This year is the 80th anniversary of the festival. More information on the festival can be obtained at jacarandafestival.org.au. There is ample tie down and under wing camping is OK. The clubhouse has recently been re-roofed and re-clad and has a 5 bed bunkhouse available. There are kitchen facilities and a bathroom. As the airfield is right on the edge of town, motels, pubs and shops are all within walking distance. Transport into the city centre will be provided and jerrycans are available for those requiring Mogas. The nearest Avgas is at Lismore or Coffs Harbour

A BBQ will operate during the day on Saturday & there will be a Muster Dinner at the Clubhouse on Saturday evening and we are now fully function licenced. On Sunday a Big Breakfast will be served at the clubhouse and around 11:00 am the newly crowned Jacaranda Queen and the other contestants will arrive for their complimentary flights over the city to view the Jacarandas in full bloom from above. The BBQ will operate throughout the day.

Visit the website at graftonaeroclub.com for more information on the club and the Muster. By the way there will be no landing fees for the duration of the event.

Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion.

After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.

There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

This from a pilot friend of mine who lives in the area.

"We had an ultralight crash up here today. The Drifter did a couple of circuits at a difficult private airstrip which is more like a wheelbarrow track and stalled and hit a tree. He landed upside down, inverted, unconscious, badly hurt & hanging by his trapped feet. He got taken to Gold Coast Hospital by the rescue chopper. I haven't had an update. That strip is uphill to the north and there is an amphitheatre of high ground at the northern end. I think he got a downdraft over the hill and was caught out."

There were 4 Tigers heading south yesterday & flew along the coast here. I wondered where they were going. It was a lovely sight & a nice sound.

Looks like a Gazelle to me after looking on iView. There is an aerial shot & the tail looks very gazelle..ish along with the door frame & the full width ailerons. Good show so far.

I did the Strategic Planning survey and I am still thinking about the Mission / Vision statement. The last line said something like "to be the entry point for a career in Commercial & Military aviation." I did disagree, at the time, preferring the status quo, of RAA being recreational aviation only. Now I am not so sure. Perhaps this is the way forward, to highlight and foster the possibility of an integrated career path, thereby attracting younger people, rather than limiting it to the recreational aspect. 

 

What do others think?

 

 

 

Sue

The cost of insuring the project plus the hangar was astronomical so I carry my own insurance. i.e. If anything happens I pay. I do have public liability insurance though as I haven't got a spare 10 million if someone trips over the doormat.

Like many other members I was highly critical of RA-Aus when the Runciman led Board was around. Since then we have seen Tech Managers & CEOs, Treasurers and Presidents come to the fore only to fall spectacularly. It seems only since Michael has taken the helm that there is now a vision for the future. Prior to that it was the old story of "When you are up to your ass in Alligators it is hard to remember you originally came to drain the swamp". Michael is showing true leadership in my opinion and making a mark for the organisation with the regulator and government. We do need a strategic plan for the short and longer term, we do need modern "on line" processes, we do need stable and efficient management and staff but it can not happen overnight. When an organisation is in such a mess as RA-Aus was, things generally get worse before they get better. I think that we are now heading clearly in the right direction having bottomed out not that long ago.

After the AGM the re-invigorated Board should get on with the task of being a Board providing support to Management, setting the targets, determining policy and direction & get away from the "Hands On" approach of old. We will have a majority of professional people on the board after the AGM to make this happen. The newsletters and survey are the best things to come out of RA-Aus for many years. I for one am very optimistic of a great future for RA-Aus. Less than a year ago there was none of that.

This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who

know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors.

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"

The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ....

"Well, that explains why no one was at church either".

I

John Lear gave this talk on July 9th, 2004 to a group of fellow pilots in Las Vegas a 15 minute talk on his career.

John Lear on John Lear:

One of the anguishes of advancing age is losing old friends. The upside of that, though, is that I get to tell the story my way.

I learned to fly at Clover Field in Santa Monica when I was 14. However before I got to get in an actual airplane Dad made me take 40 hours of Link with Charlie Gress. I can’t remember what I did yesterday but I guarantee you I could still shoot a 90 degree, Fade-out or Parallel radio range orientation.

When I turned 16 I had endorsements on my student license for an Aero Commander 680E and Cessna 310.

I got my private at 17 and instrument rating shortly thereafter. The Lockheed 18 Lodestar was my first type rating at age 18. I went to work for my father and brother flying copilot on a twin beech out of Geneva Switzerland after I got out of high school. Dad was over there trying to peddle radios to the European airlines.

However just after I turned 18 and got my Commercial I was showing off my aerobatic talents in a Bucker Jungmann to my friends at a Swiss boarding school I had attended. I managed to start a 3 turn spin from too low an altitude and crashed. I shattered both heels and ankles and broke both legs in 3 places. I crushed my neck, broke both sides of my jaw and lost all of my front teeth. I managed to get gangrene in one of the open wounds in my ankles and was shipped from Switzerland to the Lovelace Clinic in Albuquerque where Randy Lovelace made me well.

When I could walk again I worked selling pots and pans door to door in Santa Monica . In late 1962 Dad had moved from Switzerland to Wichita to build the Lear Jet and I went to Wichita to be work in Public relations until November of 1963 about 2 months after the first flight when I moved to Miami and took over editing an aviation newspaper

called Aero News.

I moved the newspaper to El Segundo in California and ran it until it failed. I then got a job flight instructing at Progressive Air Service in Hawthorne , California . From there I went to Norman Larson Beech in Van Nuys flight instructing in Aircoupes.

In the spring of 1965 I was invited by my Dad back to Wichita to get type rated in the model 23 Learjet. I then went to work for the executive aircraft division of Flying Tigers in Burbank who had secured a dealership for the Lear.

In November of 1965 my boss Paul Kelly crashed number 63 into the mountains at Palm Springs killing everybody on board including Bob Prescott ’s 13 years old son and 4 of the major investors in Tigers. I took over his job as President of Airjet charters a wholly owned subsidiary of FTL and flew charters and sold Lears. Or rather tried to sell them. It turns out that I never managed to sell one Learjet in my entire life.

In March of 1966 2 Lear factory pilots Hank Beaird, Rick King and myself set 17 world speed records including speed around the round the world, 65 hours and 38 minutes in the first Lear Jet 24. Shortly after that flight I got canned from Tigers and moved to Vegas and started the first 3rd level airline in Nevada , Ambassador Airlines. We

operated an Aero Commander and Cherokee 6 on 5 stops from Las Vegas to LAX. This was about the time Hughes moved to Las Vegas and I was doing some consulting work for Bob and Peter Maheu.

The money man behind Ambassador was Jack Cleveland who I introduced to John Myers in the Hughes organization. Cleveland and Myers tried to peddle the 135 certificate to Hughes without success and Jack ended up selling Howard those phony gold mining claims you all may remember. I went back to Van Nuys and was flying Lear charter part time for Al Paulson and Clay Lacy at California Airmotive, the Learjet distributor.

That summer I started a business called Aerospace Flight Research in Van Nuys were I rented aircraft to Teledyne to flight test their Inertial Guidance Systems. We had a B-26, Super Pinto and Twin Beech. I think we lasted about 4 months.

I then went to work for World Aviation Services in Ft. Lauderdale ferrying the Cessna O2 FAC airplane from Wichita , fresh off the assembly line to Nha Trang in Viet Nam with fellow QB Bill Werstlein. We were under the 4440th ADG Langley VA. and hooked up with a lot of other military pilots ferrying all manner and types of aircraft.

Our route was Wichita to Hamilton , Hickam, Midway, Wake, Guam, Clark and then in country. The longest leg was Hamilton to Hickam an average of 16 hours, no autopilot, no copilot, and one ADF. We also had 3 piddle packs. Arriving in Nha Trang we would hitch a ride to Saigon and spend 3 days under technical house arrest, each trip, pay a fine for entering the country illegally, that is being civilians and not coming through a port of entry, catch an airline up to Hong Kong for a little R & R and straight back to Wichita for another airplane. I flew this contract for 4 years.

During some off time in 1968 I attempted to ferry a Cessna 320 from Oakland to Australia with the first stop in Honolulu . About 2 hours out from Oakland I lost the right engine and had no provisions for dumping fuel. I went down into ground effect (T effect for you purists) and for 3 hours and 21 minutes flew on one engine about 25

feet above the waves and made it into Hamilton AFB after flying under the Golden Gate and Richmond bridges. An old friend Nick Conte, was officer of the day and gave me the royal treatment. Why did I go into Hamilton instead of Oakland ? I knew exactly where the O club was for some much needed refreshment.

In September of 1968 between 0-2 deliveries I raced a Douglas B-26 Invader in the Reno Air Races. It was the largest airplane ever raced at Reno , and I placed 5th in the Bronze passing one Mustang. It was reported to me after the race by XB-70 project pilot Col.. Ted Sturmthal that when I passed the P-51, 3 fighter pilots from Nellis committed suicide off the back of the grandstands. In the summer of 1970 I helped Darryl Greenamyer and Adam Robbins put on the California 1000 air race in Mojave California . That’s the one where Clay Lacy raced the DC-7.

I flew a B-26 with Wally McDonald. I then started flying charter in an Aero Commander and Beech Queen Air for Aero Council a charter service out of Burbank . They went belly up about 3 months later and I went up to Reno to work for my Dad as safety pilot on his Lear model 25. After my Dad fired me I was personally escorted to the Nevada/California

border by an ex- Los Angeles police detective who worked for Dad and did the muscle work.

I went back down to Van Nuys and was Chief Pilot for Lacy Aviation and was one of the first pilot proficiency examiners for the Lear Jet. In the summer of 1973 I moved to Phnom Penh , Cambodia as Chief Pilot and

Director of Operations for Tri Nine Airlines which flew routes throughout Cambodia for Khmer Akas Air.

I flew a Convair 440 an average of 130 hours a month. We had unlimited quantities of 115/145 fuel and ADI and were able to use full CB-17 power (which was 62” for any of you R-2800 aficionados). In November of 1973 I moved to Vientianne, Laos and flew C-46’s and Twin Otters for Continental Air Services Inc. delivering guns and ammo to Gen.

Vang Pao and his CIA supported troops.

We got shot down one day and when I say we, Dave Kouba was the captain.. We were flying a twin otter and got the right engine shot out. Actually the small arms fire had hit the fuel line in the right strut and fuel was streaming out back around the tail and being sucked into the large cargo opening in the side of the airplane and filling the cockpit with a fine mist of jet fuel.

I held the mike in my hands, “Should I call Cricket and possibly blow us up or...?" (Some of you may remember "Cricket"... “This is Cricket on guard with an air strike warning to all aircraft".)

But Davy found us a friendly dirt strip and we were back in the air the next day. When the war came to an end in 1973 I moved back to Van Nuys and started flying Lears for Lacy again until October when I went up to Seattle and sat in on a Boeing 707 ground school for Air Club International on spec.

3 weeks later I ended up in the left seat of the 707 with a total of 8 hours in type. Air Club begat Aero America and we flew junkets out of Vegas for the Tropicana and Thunderbird Hotels. I left Aero having not been fired and in the summer of 1975 I was Director of Ops for Ambassador Airlines 2 flying 707 junkets also out of Vegas. After that

airline collapsed I moved to Beirut, Lebanon in September of 1975 and flew 707’s for 2 years for Trans Mediterranean Airways a Lebanese cargo carrier.

It was a very interesting job in that they had 65 stations around the world and you would leave Beirut with a copilot that had maybe 200 hours in airplanes and fortunately a first rate plumber and off you’d go around the world. My favorite run was Dubai to Kabul, Afghanistan with a stop in Kandahar. Kabul is a one way strip, land uphill and take off downhill, it was 6000 foot elevation with no navaids.

During those 2 years I made many round the world trips and many over the pole trips. In 1977 I moved back to Vegas and was Director of Operations for Nevada Airlines flying DC-3’s and Twin Beech's to the Canyon. In September of 77 I was called to Budapest for another CIA operation flying 707's loaded with arms and ammo to Mogadishu ...

Leaving Budapest then refueling in Jeddah we flew radio silence down the Red Sea trying to avoid the MiGs based in Aden, whose sole purpose on earth was to force us down. The briefing was simple. If you guys get into trouble DON'T CALL US. Back to Vegas in December of that year I was hired as Chief Pilot for Bonanza Airlines 2 operating DC-3's and a Gulfstream 1 from Vegas to Aspen .

After that airline collapsed I was hired by Hilton Hotels to fly their Lear 35A. In my spare time I flew part time for Dynalectron and the EPA on an underground nuke test monitoring program. I flew their B-26, OV-10, Volpar Beech and Huey helicopter. I also flew the Tri Motor Ford part time for Scenic Airlines. In 1978 my Dad passed away and

left me with one dollar, which incidentally, I never got.

In 1980 I ran for the Nevada State Senate district 4. I lost miserably only because I was uninformed, unprepared and both of my size 9 triple E's were continually in my mouth.

I got fired from Hilton shortly after that and moved to Cairo, Egypt to fly for Air Trans another CIA cutout. After the Camp David accords were signed in 1979 each country, Egypt and Israel were required to operate 4 flights a week into the other's country. Of course, El Al pilots didn’t mind flying into Cairo but you could not find an Egyptian pilot that would fly into Tel Aviv. So an Egyptian airline was formed called Nefertiti Airlines with me as chief pilot to fly the

4 flights a week into Tel Aviv. On our off time we flew subcontract for EgyptAir throughout Europe and Africa .

All this, of course was just a cover for our real missions which was all kinds of nefarious gun running throughout Europe and Africa which we did in our spare time.

And now that our beloved 40th president has passed on I can tell you that in fact (with my apologies to Michael Reagan) the October Surprise was true. The October surprise for those of you that don’t remember happened during October of 1980 when Reagan and Bush were running against Carter and Mondale. George Bush was flown in a BAC 111 one Saturday night to Paris to meet with the Ayatollah Khomeini. Bush offered the Khomeini a deal whereby if he would delay the release of the hostages held in Tehran until Reagan’s inauguration, the administration would supply unlimited guns and ammunition to the Iranians.

In order to get Bush back for a Sunday morning brunch so that nobody would be alerted to his absence he was flown back in an SR-71 from Reims field near Paris to McGuire AFB.

Of course Reagan won, the hostages were released and one of my jobs in Cairo was to deliver those arms from Tel Aviv to Tehran

Unfortunately, the first airplane in, an Argentinean CL-44 was shot down by the Russians just south of Yerevan and Mossad who was running the operation didn't want to risk sending my 707. The arms where eventually delivered through Dubai , across the Persian Gulf and directly into Tehran ..

During the 2 years I was in Cairo I averaged 180 hours a month with a top month of 236 hours in a 31 day period. I spent a 6 week tour in Khartoum flying cows to Saana , North Yemen in an old Rolls Royce powered 707.

Back in Las Vegas in December of 1982 I sat on my ass until I was out of money, again, and then went to work for Global Int’l Airlines in Kansas City, another CIA cutout run by Farhad Azima, an Iranian with a bonafide Gold Plated Get Out of Jail Free card flying 707’s until they collapsed in October of 83. During the summer of 1983 the FAA

celebrated its 25th Anniversary at the Mike Monroney Aeronautical Center in Oklahoma City . There was much fanfare and speech making and 2 honored guests. Bill Conrad from Miami , Florida who had the most

type ratings, I think over 50. And myself. I had the most airman certificates issued of any other airman.

After Global’s collapse I went to work for American Trans Air flying 707's. I wrote their international navigation manual as MNPS for North Atlantic operations was just being implemented and became the first FAA designated check airman for MNPS navigation. ATA then added 727’s and then Lockheed L-1011's. For a very brief time I was qualified as captain in all three.

After getting fired from ATA in July of 1989 I became a freight dog flying DC-8’s for Rosenbalm Aviation which became Flagship Express and after that airline collapsed I was hired as Chief pilot for Patriot Airlines out of Stead Field in Reno , flying cargo 727’s from Miami to South America . After getting fired from Patriot I went to work for Connie Kalitta flying DC-8s then the L-1011 on which I was a check airman. Kalitta sold out to Kitty Hawk International which went

bankrupt in May of 2000.

I was 57 at the time and nobody is going to hire an old —— for two and a half years except to fly sideways so I turned in my stripes andever present flask of Courvoisier. Except for one last fling in March of 2001 where I flew the Hadj for a Cambodian Airline flying L-1011’s under contract to Air India . We were based in New Delhi and flew to Jeddah from all throughout India . There was absolutely no paperwork, no FAA, no BS and for 6 weeks we just moved Hadji’s back and forth to Saudi Arabia ..

One final note, in October of 1999 I had the honor and extreme pleasure to get checked out in a Lockheed CF-104D Starfighter. My instructor was Darryl Greenamyer, the airplane was owned by Mark and Gretchen Sherman of Phoenix . It was the highlight of my aviation career particularly because I survived my first and only SFO in a high

performance fighter.

One other thing, some how I managed to get the following type ratings:

707/720/727, Convair 240/340/440, DC-3, DC -8, B-26, Gulfstream 1, Lockheed Constellation, Lear Jet series, HS-125, Lockheed L-1011, Lockheed L-18, Lockheed P-38, Martin 202/404, B-17, B-25, Grumman TBM and Ford Trimotor. I also have single and multi engine sea, rotorcraft helicopter and gyroplane, and lighter than air free balloon. I never

got all categories having missed the Airship. And in case you are interested, many, many airmen have lots more type ratings.

What I did get, that no other airman got was the most FAA certificates:

These are the ATP, Flight Instructor with airplane single and multi engine, instrument, rotorcraft helicopter and gyroplane and glider. Flight Navigator, Flight Engineer, Senior Parachute Rigger, Control Tower Operator, A&P, Ground Instructor, Advanced and Instrument and Aircraft Dispatcher.

I have 19,488 hours of total time of which 15,325 hours is in 1,2,3 or 4 engine jet.

I took a total of 181 FAA (or designated check airman) check rides and failed 2.

Of the thousands of times I knowingly violated an FAA regulation I was only caught once but never charged or prosecuted.

The farthest I have ever been off course was 321 miles left over the South China Sea in a 707 on New Year’s day 1977 on a flight from Taipei . The deviation was not caught by Hong Kong, Manila or Singapore radar and I penetrated six zero to unlimited restricted areas west of the Philippines. I landed in Singapore 7 minutes late without further incident.

How, you ask, did I get so far off course? The short answer is I was napping at the controls. I have flown just about everywhere except Russia , China , Mongolia , Korea , Antarctica, Australia or New Zealand. I am a senior vice-commander of the American Legion Post No.1 Shanghai, China (Generals Ward, Chennault and Helseth) (operating

in exile) and a 21 year member of the Special Operations Association.

Now some of you may be asking why so many airlines collapsed that I worked for and why I got fired so many times. My excuse is simple. I am not the brightest crayon in the box, I am extremely lazy, I have a smart mouth and a real poor f*cking attitude.

British tax return

This example shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return.

The HMRC (Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs) has returned the Tax Return to a man in STANSTED after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.

In response to the question: "Do you have anyone dependant on you?" he wrote:

"2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 900,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the whole of the European Commission".

The HMRC stated that the response he gave was Unacceptable.

The man's response back to HMRC was:

*"Who did I miss out?"*

Bob had been dating his girlfriend for two years so they decided to get married.

One thing bothered Bob & that was his girlfriends sister.

She was stunning & Bob often found himself thinking about her.

One day Bob & the sister were alone in the house.

"I know you watch me" said the sister.

I watch you too and I'm going upstairs. If you want one last fling before you get married - I'll be waiting.

Bob was stunned. He stood frozen for a moment & then bolted out the door & ran straight for his car.

To his shock - the entire family were standing outside - all clapping.

With tears in his eyes, his father-in-law hugged him.

"Bob, we are happy you passed our little test, we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.

Welcome to the family my son.

And the moral of this story:-

Always keep your condoms in your car.

No, No, No, No, No. YOU ARE ALL WRONG. It's simple It is just MAGIC. See one of Ozzies posts somewhere. AAaargh who cares anyway, just go & fly.

In real life the air stays still and the wing moves.

Are you sure you want MEK? If you want a catalyst to harden polyester or vinylester resins you need MEKP (methyl ethyl ketone peroxide) & you can get it at any fibreglass supplier or even Bunnings. You need very little as the mix ratio is 1 to 2 percent.

My wife of 25 years had her first RAA lesson on Sunday. She has flown extensively with me for longer than that. She reckons that she now does not trust my health so if I cark it in the air she will be able to fly home & become the owner of an aircraft all at the same time.

Funny it is a B787-8 & Delta don't have any of those. The joys of photoshop.